Changing behavior

monkeyface — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 04:29:11 GMT

Do you think public humiliation and shame is a good way to change a person's behavior? What is the person was your daughter?

RE: Changing behavior

grace — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 04:40:18 GMT

I disagree with this entirely!

Reasoning, empathy, and understanding work much better and also make you feel loved.....

We will all get enough chance to feel humiliated and shamed, don't provide it .

RE: Changing behavior

OronD — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 08:53:29 GMT

Hi, ---------- Only narrow minded people still think that public humiliation and shame is a good way to change a person's behavior or to change him.... in fact it often works in the opposite direction !. Scientific reseach proved that there are much better and much more efficient ways to reach the desired results (Explanations, rewarding, inner belief, love, empathy, understanding, guidance..... ). Skinner delt with it many years ago. ---------- Best regards,

RE: Changing behavior

AUFan — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 13:25:44 GMT

Of course not. Children embarrass themselves enough without thier parents help. That's a good foundation for resentment.

RE: Changing behavior

CeeCee3K — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 18:45:21 GMT

Shame, public humilation etc. are the best ways to teach anybody to hate the punisher. Negative punishment always backfires. If you want to cruelly destroy your child's self-esteem, and cause them to want to murder you while you are sleeping, then yes, it will change your childs' behavior very effectively.

By the way, shame and public humilation is also considered mental cruelty and can earn you a visit from child protection agencies.

RE: Changing behavior

Belle — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 06:27:36 GMT

I (and many mental health professionals) believe that shame is the most damaging emotion one can experience. If my child was behaving badly, terribly, horribly etc., no matter how bad, I would not shame or humiliate him. I wonder how old your daughter is? I'm fairly sure that if you take this route, your daughter would remember your actions forever, and would have a hard time forgiving you. Shame and humiliation ruined my relationship with my mother -- she passed away more than ten years ago, and I am still angry with her. Your daughter will reap what she sows; counseling would be a much better step -- for her, and for you. Shame and humiliation will only drive her away from you.

RE: Changing behavior

monkeyface — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 15:33:59 GMT

Dear Belle and Others,

Thank you for your great answers. I think some of you might have misunderstood and thought I was the one doing the humiliating to someone. No, I am the victim of shame and public humiliation. It HAS devastated me. I just wanted to know if others thought this was acceptable and I am so glad I got the answers I needed.

RE: Changing behavior

Belle — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 00:53:36 GMT

Dear Monkeyface -- how horrible to have been treated like that. I hope that you can thrive, no matter what happened. We are human, and subject to making mistakes in our lives, but no one should be treated like that. I'm glad you got a lot of validation.

Hugs, Belle

RE: Changing behavior

monkeyface — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 02:00:52 GMT

Dear Belle,

Thank you, and yes, I was treated horribly. Good things come out of bad many times, and I am writing a book on my experience. You were all truly helpful and made me realize there ARE good people in the world with healthy and normal opinions.

RE: Changing behavior

geriatriclpnshanna — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 05:50:26 GMT

No! Positive reinforcement and negative reinforcement are the best ways to stop a bad behavior. Which is the daughter earns the wants back pretty much. Like per say you have grounded your daughter but she does something correctly in your mind then you unground her for a certain activity not fully but say okay you can have so and so over this Saturday and if your good behavior continues maybe you will see more of this. In your own words of course. shame and humiliation cause resentment and other possibly worse actions.