Confused about a friend, could use advice.

katy_splash — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 16:19:53 GMT

I'm 19, female and right now coming to terms with the possibility of being bi but i'm not sure.

But that's not the biggest problem I have.
Of course there's a friend (also female) of mine I might have more feelings for than I should.
I have known her for almost 7 years and she's one of my best friends (I'm the same for her).
And if I look back i probably had those feelings for some years but I'm not sure if they were already this way when I was younger.

She's 18 and she admitted to be bi but she has a boyfriend (near 3 years) whom she truly loves.
He's a great and cool guy and I'm really happy for her.
And I'm not really jealous when they are together because I know I can't compete but if she's with other female friend of ours
I can get really jealous and wishing she would just focus on me
because she's just a great person whom I find very attractive.

Often when i'm have her I just wish she would pull me close and just kiss me.
When we go out together, dancing and getting drunk i'm just a few steps away from walking up to her and kissing.
But I haven't and probably never will because I don't want ruin all this.
She's also a very touchy and outgoing person which doesn't make it easier.

At her 18th birthday we were both drunk she walked up to me close and she said "oh if i hadn't have my boyfriend" and than she looked at me this flirty way (u know).
And since than my feelings seem to grow but I don't know if I love her or if I have a crush on here.
I know that I truly love her as a friend and it could be a possibility of me being all this because she is one of people who have treated me in the nicest way ever.
She just great friend and I don't want to ruin this friendship.
I have been trying to kill those feelings with everything I have but it doesn't really work.

I just had to write it down because i kept it to myself all the way.
Thank you for reading it and please tell me what do you think.

RE: Confused about a friend, could use advice.

Dana — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 19:30:36 GMT

If you are really close then you may want to share your feelings with her. Just tell her you have a real crush on her. If she tells you that she doesn’t feel the same way, then tell her you respect that and more than anything else you want to continue your friendship with her. It’s OK to have feelings for someone, it’s just more important that we revere their feelings. Let her know it’s her choice, and that you won’t interfere in her relationships. Whatever boundaries she wants you’ll respect. Best of luck to you. It’s not easy being young; it’s just harder being old.

RE: Confused about a friend, could use advice.

katy_splash — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 11:44:20 GMT

Thanks for your answer.

I want to tell her but I planed to do that when i'm also taken or in any other case after those feelings have gone (I hope this won't take too long). At least i planed it this way but I can't really kill those retarded feelings.

If I would tell her things could change in a bad way. And that's the exact opposite of everything I want. We're really close and I know her well but in this case I can't see how she could react.

I even thought about seeing her less or losing focus on keeping in touch but I think this wouldn't work and would be really egoistic because I'm still a friend of hers. And an abrupt step wouldn't be the smartes move.