HEALTHY GUY: My somewhat of a friend of 1 1/2 yrs ...

doitright — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 12:27:50 GMT

HEALTHY GUY: My somewhat of a friend of 1 1/2 yrs became my boyfriend 6 months ago. We are exclusive, committed, both have kids. He is younger than I am (BY TEN YEARS!), but very smart and mature. He doesn't "court" me so-to-speak. I've missed a lot of that 'you are special enticements from the guy'!!! Over the years, I've had a ton of fakes with flowers and gestures. I think this man is exactly what I want. We have both expressed wanting to be married again, that we are loyal to each other. SO WHY.............do I look for things to be wrong that he may not even be aware he is doing or not doing. (MOSTLY...I don't let him know I feel these things... and try to let it pass. My past is full of abusive men; and I'm trying not to let that carry over and deal with it.) If I am always available, and all things are good in his mind.....why should he do anything different? If I become a little more unavailable, and maybe even go away (give myself time to think too) maybe this will be a tell-tale sign for both of us. Does he care? Is he serious about me...or flippant? In between though...... I need an exercise to calm myself down when the anxiety comes around. Thanks

RE: HEALTHY GUY: My somewhat of a friend of 1 1/2 yrs ...

DB Lady — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 05:54:56 GMT

Hi,

Do you know what you are doing wrong in this relationship? You consider this man to be your real friend. Don't you think that friends should be open to each other and are willing to communicate anything that bothers them? You need to let him know what you want in the relationship, what things that he does bother you, what are your expectations from him. Communication is very important in a viable relationship.

You need to sit down with him and ask him the same questions you asked here. He is the only one who could honestly answer you. So I strongly advise you to talk to him and ask him what the future will hold for both of you.

Everyone of us has failed relationships. But to always be haunted by bad relationships is not healthy. Those bad experiences should just be forgotten and buried deep in the past and the only positive thing you got from them are the valuable lessons you 've learned from those mistakes. Please don't be mentioning those failed relationships because men don't appreciate us women harping on those bad experiences. You just need to face the present and the future with this nice young man and the possibility of living a very loving and fulfilling love relationship that will last a lifetime.

I wish you the best and a ton of happiness. Good luck to you.

RE: HEALTHY GUY: My somewhat of a friend of 1 1/2 yrs ...

Equus — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 21:47:56 GMT

Dogbreeder put it very well , gave her 2 thumbs up . Talk to this man , communication is the key , you are afraid of being hurt again like in past relationship , leave that baggage elsewhere do not bring it to him . You are scared because you do not know where you stand with this man , and you are falling for him , and he may be wondering where he stands with you . Sit with him and talk to him , tell him you care a great deal for him and you are wondering if he has the same feelings for you . You also owe this to your children when children are involved they also can become emotionality attached . Give him a chance to express his feelings for you and what his thoughts are on your relationship . This way you will know for sure and you may get a pleasant surprise . Don't be afraid to talk to him , again communication is good start for a good relationship .

RE: HEALTHY GUY: My somewhat of a friend of 1 1/2 yrs ...

energee007 — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 00:33:08 GMT

It's different when you email and type...some things end up missing. We talked, it seems we're on the same page. We both want the same things. He is very affectionate and caring. He understands about my past. "ME?" Once in a while I get anxiety.....stems from the past and I'm dealing with it.....definitely NOT at him.

Although............his buddy sending him xxxx porn clips every week is not sitting well with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is something I talked to him about around a month ago. I'm now giving him some time and room to see what he does about it. "He" said he was going to ask his friend to quit sending it. It just happened again. My guy is not searching for it A+. However, him getting these things are not okay with me. But I'm not going to jump all over the situation when he's pretty much a really decent guy. I think I give him a little space to take care of it. If he doesn't...then we talk again (but only ONCE) Thanks youall!

RE: HEALTHY GUY: My somewhat of a friend of 1 1/2 yrs ...

energee007 — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 00:42:02 GMT

Hey thank you so much for taking the time to write. However, I did speak with him prior to writing all that. We are on the same page. I hate typing.....it sometimes gets misunderstood. He actually is cerebral and communicative. Still a guy! ;-)

I think we are moving along at a really good pace. He is one of the more healthy and stable men I've met in years. My past and my age do make me insecure. So when my mind does that....I try to get my own space and deal with it (NOT at him/never!!! I get that!) that's all and wondered if there were others and what they did about it. (main point in writing)

There was/is a bit of a porn issue. He's not searching for it at all. But a buddy of his is sending the really bad stuff. We talked about it. And he said he was going to tell his friend to stop. My past has marks of that in it...a previous man in my life lived a couple of different lifestyles putting me at risk. It was very bad. So "porn" has no place in my future. He knows how I feel about it.

Now, about a month ago, he said he would tell his friend to stop. I just saw that his friend sent him two new ones (about every week or so) with a XXXX in the subject line. I did not open them. I am patiently stepping back to give him some room to deal with it. I usually take a little time before reacting so as not to reach for the past but deal with what is.