Demanding Family

salsi3e — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 16:26:08 GMT

My great grandma fell ill about a month ago. In agreement with my mom I said I could help out some(we're both nurses). In the midst of all this I am currently planing my wedding to take place next month and am caring for my household(my fiance' & son). I give about 2 days a week to my grandmother's. Well I'm feeling stressed, streched, and underappreciated which actually makes me feel depressed. Wednesday is my major chore day of running errands & doing laundry well my great grandma calls me at noon wanting me to come over in the next hour to give her a bath. I call back within an hour for my grandma to answer saying to late now, but I can come over after my son gets off the bus. I told her I couldn't cause Weds. is never good for me I have lots to do that I was currently doing laundry then later would be feeding my family dinner. She got mad @ me & said so your great grandma has to go to the doctor stinky cause you won't come over to bath her? They made me feel like crap, but at the same time wern't fair droping it on me at the last minute. I don't even have time for other relationships, haven't seen my mom in weeks cause whenever i got a free moment she doesn't cause she is either at work or there. Which my mom remains nonpardison about what happens between us and acts envious of the fact that I have a life outside of my grandmothers' house. So I guess what I'm trying to ask is how do I deal with their demanding behavior and also get them to see my time is a gift not an obligation that I "MUST" fill?

RE: Demanding Family

bonestructure — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 16:32:06 GMT

Being a caretaker IS demanding, and extremely stressful. And you're right, it isn'f fair to push things on you last minute, especially with all that's going on in yor life at the moment. There really isn't any good solution, but your family does need to understand that things must be scheduled ahead of time to give you enough notice to prepare for them. You might also consider looking into a part time home health care aid. There are organizations in most cities that hire responsible people out for this purpose. But again, those people have to be scheduled as well.

RE: Demanding Family

Linda — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 07:52:23 GMT

Maybe you could look into hiring someone to take care of your great grandmother? It really sounds like you always have a full schedule so looking for help would be a good move.

RE: Demanding Family

Kathy — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 22:27:11 GMT

The gift is your great-grandmother, appreciate it before its gone. If you want to spend time with your mother, go see your great grandma, when your mother is there and the both of you can have a nice mother/daughter, mother/daughter talk that day. Why don't you ask great grandma to your house for a day of laundry and such, she'll catch on quick to the vigors of being a wife,mother,nurse to her and your job.... Just love her, now... I want you to know that the first thing I thought of when you wrote that she called to ask you to come give her a bath was that she accidently soiled herself and she couldn't do a good enough job cleaning herself to let it go another day. I have alot of demands put on my time also, so I know how you feel, but one thing I've learned is although I feel unappreciated at times, and overwhelmed at other times, not to appreciate the time i have to spend with family and friends. I've lost some dear friends suddenly, some of them didn't appreciate me enough (well at least thats what I thought anyway). And it wasn't until I held my dad's hand on his deathbed, that I truely saw how much he loved and appreciated me.. Take heed girl open your eyes to other options. Maybe the fiance could do the laundry once in awhile, run some of those errands for you, do the grocery shopping, even take care of some of those last minute details for his wedding too...