Flirtation with care-giver

Marilyn — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 00:43:57 GMT

My dad who suffered a stroke and has overcome the physical problems has cerebral atrophy and I am taking care of him. He forgets who I am and makes me uncomfortable when he is acting like he wants to be held and cuddle. He is living with me and my husband. He has always been decent and now comes on too flirty with me and other women. I don't know how to handle him. I feel I cannot even hold his hand because he gets ideas that are not proper.

RE: Flirtation with care-giver

DB Lady — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 05:30:46 GMT

Hi Marilyn,

Your father had a stroke and when one has suffered from this, it's normal to have agnosia or inability to recognize the people he knew before. He cannot control this behavior because of the stroke. So when you are providing care, be sure to have your husband help you . Also when you see him in his room always introduce yourself that you are his daughter.

He cannot help it so please understand his behavior. Also please notify his doctor about his behavior and he may have to prescribe some medication to help him with this behavior.

RE: Flirtation with care-giver

Marilyn — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 09:23:03 GMT

Thank you. My dad now lives with us. I will contact his doctor and see what can be done so we can all be comfortable with this arrangement. He is otherwise doing well except for the confusion and impaired judgment and always been a great, good Christian decent ma (he will be 87).

RE: Flirtation with care-giver

DB Lady — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 10:21:49 GMT

Hi Marilyn,

You're welcome.

Your dad is also suffering from Alzheimer's Disease on top of having had the stroke .

Caring for an elderly parent is challenging so if it gets to be too much for you, there are Alzheimer's Disease Nursing Homes that especialize on this condition plus they have adequate help over there especially when it comes to a point that he becomes bedridden and require lifting.

My father is terminally ill with Cancer and is on Hospice care. He's 84. I thought I could take care of him at home but I work full-time and he needs constant 24-hour care so I placed him in a very nice Nursing Home. He is happy over there, he met nice elderly people and they have different activities that keep him busy.

So please keep me posted.

RE: Flirtation with care-giver

Skitch — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 12:47:04 GMT

DB ~

How do you know he also is suffering from Alzheimer's Disease?

RE: Flirtation with care-giver

Marilyn — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 13:37:08 GMT

Hi DB. A neurologist states he does not have Alzheimer's. I was able to quit my fulltime job to stay at home to take care of him. My brother had cashed a CD from my dad's account to pay me monthly. I am very blessed that I am able to do this. I'm sorry about your dad, but glad you found perfect care for him. I better go. I'll check on Wednesday as I am taking him to his house for a couple of days. God bless

RE: Flirtation with care-giver

Les — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 22:10:40 GMT

If your dad was a proper fellow before this happened, then you must always keep in mind that he is not well, and his true spirit means you no harm. So, keeping that in the forefront of your interactions, that he is not well and of not of his right

mind............You need to be strong and firm, and say no to any close contact that makes you uncomfortable. Remember, even when he is not himself, his rights end where your's start. Be consistent, strong, and remember tough love is still good love. As to his behavior w/ other women, give them a head's up as to his condition, and play each of those by ear, including limiting contact.

You can do this. Tough love. You have a right to your own dignity and self-respect.

RE: Flirtation with care-giver

Balanceyourlife — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 12:41:50 GMT

Hi! You are in a difficult situation, and it sounds as if you are too involved emotionally. Right? How couldn't I be emotionally involved? you may asked... Well, you can try setting specific boundaries, which is difficult if he does not remember. That means that you will need to set boundaries every time you deal with him, yes, sorry, every time, just as you would with any other elder. I work with elderly and they tend to "fall in love" a lot, and you just need to remind them that you are there to help them only.

I think that is best if you do not see your father when he tell you that, but just an old man that needs your help. I will be praying for you and strenght from God.

Namaste,

RE: Flirtation with care-giver

DB Lady — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 12:59:08 GMT

Hi Marilyn,

I recommend to you to take your dad to a Gerontologist to follow up his care, not a Neurologist at this point. My friend Skitch asked me why I thought your dad has Alzheimer's disease. I worked in some Nursing Homes before as an RN and also owned 2 Adult Family Homes for the elderly for 5 years. I had training in Dementia and what he's exhibiting is a sign of Dementia. When a person at that age could not recognize his daughter and would do things that he normally did not do before, then that's a sign that his brain is dying. Please take your dad to a Gerontologist so he can be given the proper medications to help him with his mental condition. I had residents like your dad. They suffered stroke and did not act normally anymore. There are some drugs that will help him and the best one that was effective was the medicine called Abilify. The Gerontologist is the one who could appropriately help your dad at this time.

Don't think that I'm trying to diagnose your dad's condition. I'm just sharing you my first hand experience and knowledge of caring for the elderly patients.