Stepson is Accessing Sketchy Chat Rooms--Believe He's Gay and is Lying About his age, etc. online

eggzandbakey — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 19:16:24 GMT

I believe my stepson, who is 14, to be gay. Over the last two years I've found where he has been on unsavory websites (Vampire Rave) posing as an older man and having explicit chats with 19+ year olds. The first time I let his grandmother know since she is the other family member with a computer so that she could block this website. I asked her not to confront him b/c I didn't want to embarrass or "out" him. In her general nature, she did the opposite of what I asked- went to his mother's house, took him to her's, questioned him (He lied and said his friends had his password,) made him delete his account and then had him call me to tell me he was not gay and that his friends had typed all the messages.

Now I've found that he's on another one called Vampire Freak (and there are a lot of freaks!)--again he's posing as a 16 year old (Using a fake name, fake hometown, etc!) and has an internet boyfriend that's 19 and in another state. My biggest concern here is his safety...I believe he texts with his cell phone and possibly now has access to the internet from his phone, as well. He's been on this site at 1, 2 and 3 am. I am not interested in embarrassing him again...I'm leary of telling my husband b/c he doesn't approve of that lifestyle, his mom is a complete unstable nut so I certainly don't want to say anything to her and the grandmother, I feel, betrayed me last time in this. So WHAT do I do? I can't protect him in both homes, obviously....so what is the best course of action here??

There has always been turmoil in the custodial parents home (a circus) and their mom tries cause as much in our home when she can. A lot of craziness in other words. Counseling is out b/c the mother refuses to let any of them talk to anyone...and since my husband is noncutodial he has no rights when it comes to that.

RE: Stepson is Accessing Sketchy Chat Rooms--Believe He's Gay and is Lying About his age, etc. online

jkgrandma — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 19:26:52 GMT

You are between the proverbial rock and the hard place, aren't you?

I commend you for caring about your stepson so much. Are you absolutely certain you cannot enlist any of his other family members to help navigate through this problem?

I have just two suggestions for you, both are web sites which may have links to information which can help you and your stepson.

The first is for parents and friends of people who may have sexual identities outside of what is considered the norm: www.pflag.org.

The second is for blended families (stepparenting issues and so on):

www.bonusfamilies.com

Hopefully, you can find some answers through these sites I've given you.

In the meantime, best of luck to you all.

RE: Stepson is Accessing Sketchy Chat Rooms--Believe He's Gay and is Lying About his age, etc. online

rrandytbear — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 22:49:24 GMT

I agree with the last posting. I belong to PFLAG, and I believe they can help you can give you some of the emotional support YOU need in dealing with this. You might also consider contacting the Div. of Youth and Family Services in your county and getting a caseworker who can put your stepson in therapy. Gay teenagers need to sort out many issues, but they can't very often obtain the help they need on their own. Let him know that you support him and will help him in dealing with the person he is! He is lucky to have you, but you need to take action. Believe me, he will thank you later for this. Remember that many teenagers (especially) boy commit suicide because they don't get the help they need and they feel they are hopeless and that the family is against them. Don't let him down. You are a gift from God!

RE: Stepson is Accessing Sketchy Chat Rooms--Believe He's Gay and is Lying About his age, etc. online

egg — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 04:08:14 GMT

The other answers are great. Just remember your stepson is young and my be confused about his sexuality. Please be careful of outing him. It might be better to talk with him alone and let him know you care. If, the information he gives you is done in confidence, keep it that way. Counseling is a great idea. Having said that, I would worry about these web sites, and the people he is telling he is 16. No matter what his sexual pref. he needs support from at least one family member. Some of those sites are people waiting to prey on those younger and less powerful. I am not gay, but I have worked with HIV/AIDS clients, and their main need is understanding. I hope all goes well, and that there is a way you can reach out even if it must be kept quiet. At least, until he is ready.

RE: Stepson is Accessing Sketchy Chat Rooms--Believe He's Gay and is Lying About his age, etc. online

crayola — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 05:51:42 GMT

most kids lie about their age. and vampire freaks.com is not bad at all, im on it actually. sure there are a few creepy people. but are you saying freaks cuz they dress goth? talk to some of them, they are very nice people. did you ever think that he was lying about where he lives and what not becuse of all the people being kidnapped and everything like that?? and if its the weekend or a break from school who cares if hes online? isnt that better than being out so late? as for the gay thing, he could be just curious, or he could be gay. dont worry so much, when hes ready he will tell you if he is or not. so many parents bother their kids/tell them that its so wrong that they scare them away. so unless you want to be the reason he dosent talk to you i would lay off. there is nothing wrong with it. just talk to him about sex and the things that come with it, both straight and gay.