True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

True love!! — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 17:48:17 GMT

I am a 30 year old female I am married I have been with my husband for 8 years and married for 5 years we have a 5 year old daughter. My husband I know for a fact does not find me attractive anymore I have even felt like he doesn't love me anymore. I went online a year ago and opened a Facebook page as someone else with the mear intention to just talk to people I was not looking for anything else my husband doens't talk to me and I found joy in conversation with people who I never met and talked to on the phone. I started talking to this one man he lives in P.R. he is studding to be a doctor there I was so intruegged by this man from the very begining and I always wanted to talk to him. I am only a housewife nothing more and feel like a loser at times and feel like I can't do anything right no matter how hard I try. This man makes me feel soo special and wanted we have been talking for over 7 months now we even talk on the phone here and there I could talk to him for hours..the problem is that he is also married and very unhappy in his marrage and is planing on leaving his wife we have talked about getting married and having a future or our own one day. We have never met I have seen pictures of his children and his wife and the bigger problem here is that from the very begining I have lied to this man this man that I have fallen so head over heels over..He thinks I am a nurse..I am not..He thinks I have this I look like this model a goddes if you will..and well I really don't I have been giving him pictures that I randomly find here and there..This man is love with a woman that he calls pure perfection that does not exisit and I don't know what to do I don't want to lose him I love him so so so much my heart aches for his attention and love and I would be lost if I didn't have this man in my life I love him, I have never felt love for any other man like this before not even my husband and he loves everything about me he said he feel in love with my personality first because when we firsted started to talk he still did not know what I looked liked I am not ugle or a beast or anything put I am no model like he pictures either..I am so scared of loosing this man I don't know what to do. I am planning on leaving my husband the same time he leaves his wife and I just found out today that he told his wife that he wanted a divorce. I don't know what to do he thinks I am going there to see him for the first time in 2 weeks and I am not once again more lies I don't know what to do. I tried once to to tell him I am not the perfect woman that dream woman that he thinks and he almost left me I can't help but think he wants this future trofey wife this amazing woman with a career and a furture..but then I keep thinking about him telling me he feel in love with my personality not my looks or anything..but the more the months and days went by I can tell that he is basting his future on the fact that I am a woman that can do no worng..I don't want to lose this man but I feel like I already have..what do I do what have I done please please I love him!!! True love!!

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

jkgrandma — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 18:01:04 GMT

STOP! I mean it, STOP THIS MINUTE!

What do you think you are doing? You are NOT in love with this man, you are in love with the IDEA of being in love with him. You do not even KNOW him!

You need to stop this outside relationship IMMEDIATELY and focus on the important thing in your life - your family, especially your CHILD!

Here is what I suggest you do:

~ Immediately break it off with your Internet lover. Do not have ANY further contact with him. I mean NONE - no phone calls, no letters, no email, NOTHING!

~ Immediately make an appointment with a therapist to find out why you have such low self-esteem issues that you would drop what you have in order to focus on a complete stranger.

~ Communicate to your husband that you are unhappy and you'd like to work with him to rebuild your marriage and rekindle the love that you once had for each other.

Finally, be thankful that your conscience allowed you to have this opportunity at a second chance with your husband and your child. Don't blow it!

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

chucho — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 19:34:19 GMT

It's not true love, if he doesn't know you. You are going to ruin your life over lies. End it! Get out of what you're doing, and work on liking who you are - Not some fantasy. Real men don't like fantasy women - we want real women.

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

DB Lady — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 03:39:08 GMT

Hi, Jkgrandma and chucho gave you excellent advice. You just don't know if this man is also lying to you about himself, about his wife. Beware, there are people who scam women. Hopefully he hasn't asked you any money yet at this time. Please wake up. Don't be fooled by this person. He can tell you anything you want to hear. Try to mend your marriage by going to a marriage counselor. Don't make a great mistake. Focus on your family.

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

Asha — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 05:36:30 GMT

Thanks for inviting me DB Lady. Let's see??? Two unhappy Married people. What a shocker! But wait... (With children by their spouses), madly inlove because of colorful stories they've told eachother on the computer, and they've never met... ?

True love, you and your husband have been together for a long time. Marriage gets stressful and boring sometimes, but one of you has to take the bull by the horns and fix this before you end up in a lot more pain and trouble than you think you're in right now. You see, the grass isn't always greener on the other side.. in fact sometimes there's no grass there at all! Just step back and really think about what you're doing.

One thing I can tell you that I think a lot of women miss, is don't leave all the responsibility on your husband to restore your unhappy Marriage. There are so many things that you can do. Be a classy wife, keep your priorities strait. So many people run away from their Marriages when the going gets tough... try to be stronger and more clever than that, hold on to your husband, keep your family together, and don't take 'no' for an answer. You can do it if you really want to... and actually enjoy every minute of it!

If you need some great tips on how to keep your head strait and get that passion back into your Marriage, you've come to the right place here on Yedda! Some of the most helpful every day people are right here to give you great advise on all your questions, without bringing you down. Don't bail out on your Marriage. And don't trust that "Mr. Doctor" is bailing out on his either. Your lies, his lies, who cares? Don't trust in anything right now except God and your Family.

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

OronD — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 07:44:36 GMT

Hi, ------ You received excellent answers (thumb up each). No offence, please, but this is unreal ! (no to write “childish”). Two adult people planning to marry without seeing each other ? How do you know that you (both) get along together ? How do you (both) know that you love each other ? Isn’t it the classic case of 2 lonely bored people who need each other as a way to get out of their unsuccessful marriages ? On top of it you lied to him and that is bad…. And I have the feeling he lied to you too (are you sure he is an M.D ?). Please, as an adult a married woman and a mother you must be more realistic and NOT to live in your dreams and lies. My advise: Meet him, tell each other all the truth, if you feel (give it time…. Not the 1st meeting) that you want to stay together for good ONLY than start planning your future…. Not 1 second before. --------- Best regards,

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

Donna aka Maya — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 12:28:18 GMT

What woderful answers you have received from some of MY "cyberspace friends"! I agree with them all so I will not reitterate... I will share with you a story about Profit Bob though here in our cyberspace land. He made little caricatures (jkgram - spelled it right) of Skitch and I and we are in his garden in Michigan. It is his imagination at work of how people (appear) to be. Not that I am really a bear with webbed goose feet and a gaudy parasol nor that Skitch is Cousin It. We come to cyberspace which is not true reality. We help people together, we interact, we have grown to know each other over time as well. We are not going to jump on a plane and go marry someone we never me lest break up 2 marriages (at least not that I know of). If you would like to see Skitch and I in a garden go to youtube and type in "Michigan Anthem". You will see a plant...that's the one and I believe it is the first one. I am proud to be a web footed teddy bear with a gaudy parasol in Bob's garden with my friend Skitch who I have never met and probably never will. Have I grown attached to these people? You bet! That's why I am here.

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

Elena — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 10:57:33 GMT

Wait a minute, Maya. You mean that's not really the way you look?

I am crushed!!! That sure ruins my Christmas plans of some tiny new dresses for you and some dipilitory items for Skitch!

True Love!-

My friends have said it all. Relationship is never built to stand with a foundation of lies. What happens on the internet is never to be trusted until you have also experienced reality for a significant amount of time. And, the most important, never get involved with a married person, or get involved as a married person, whether on the internet, or in real life. This is, absolutely, hands down, the worst thing a person can do. End unfinished business so that you are free to start a new relationship if that is what you decide to do and expect the same of your partner before allowing emotions to grow.

Elena

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

Donna aka Maya — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 14:44:54 GMT

Elena, well put. p.s. It snowed on the plant which has bloomed in Michigan. There is a new post. Check out you tube and type in "Alisson". Turn on speakers too....

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

profitbob — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 18:27:51 GMT

True Love!! I have been around the internet for a lot of years and seen a lot of things. I know two couples that met on the internet and got married. I know at two other couples that met and are in the dating phase of their relationship. And I have heard dozens, if not hundreds of stories of things going badly.

Your relationship is one that I would judge to go badly. Very badly. OronD is the optimistic one in this thread, as he still might think that you two should meet and give love a chance. I am much more pessimistic. A relationship based on lies from either side is doomed sooner or later. I have seen this so many times and it is obvious to you that you have made many serious mistakes.

Possibly you two are in love, but so what? You are both married, which makes what you are doing a violation of your marriage vows. Some people believe that when they give their word that it means something, others feel there are gray areas, and some, like you and your friend, believe you can ignore the promises made anytime it is inconvenient. No partnership of any kind can exist in hard times when the last type of person is involved. I would never knowingly/willingly enter a relationship with a married woman because of the obvious: if she is going to break promises to her husband to be with me, she will most likely regard anything professed to me as something to be broken also when it is convenient to do so.

So, for either one of you to know the other is married and still pursue a love relationship if a great mistake on your part. That you both are doing it, well, all I can see is doom from this relationship. Not that you two don't deserve each other. You most assuredly do. But there is nothing in either of you to keep you together once you have satisfied the needs that prompted this relationship.

Divorcing your husband and allowing him to find someone that he deserves would probably be a kindness, but I definitely won't advise that. At this point your children would suffer for it, so he shall have to suffer his mistake with you and try to find a solution you can all live with. Which solution being, as so many have already suggeted, marriage counseling and therapy, so that you can attempt to be the kind of person you promised to be instead of the kind you are now.

People can change, and you can too. I don't want you to think I blame this all on you. I don't. You must have reasons for the alienation of affection between you and your husband that are his fault, too. The two of you should have attended counseling together a long time ago since you have so much trouble communicating with each other. Your looking for company rather than resolving the problem that caused your loneliness was a mistake that is obvious in hindsight. When you started it probably did seem perfectly normal and innocent, but that you avoided the issues you should be confronting, as you are still doing, shows where your major problem lies.

This is that you refuse to face reality like a "man". When you are confronted with an unpleasant truth, you create a fiction. You don't like how you look, so instead of changing the way you look through hard work, you steal other women's faces. This comes up time and again that you avoid the real solutions to your problems for the shiny easy answer. What you do to change this about yourself so you can have a happy life is up to you. You can either face yourself and work hard to fix you, or you can continue to run away.

I sincerely hope that you do realize the truth about yourself and learn to lead a happier life.

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

profitbob — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 19:05:44 GMT

Maya, thanks for inviting me to this question. I feel kind of like I'm just piling on top of this poor lady. But I don't know how to sugarcoat it or make the medicine go down any easier. Nothing of what I said was what she wanted to hear, nor was it related to her actual question, how does she keep from losing the man in Puerto Rico once he finds out the truth about her? That would be an interesting question to answer, and many novels/movies/shows have been based upon that premise, but I have a steadfast rule to not help people cheat on their spouses.

P.S. I'm glad you like my videos. It is nice to be able to tie several different projects/experiments/practices together, and then to have you find a use for them as an example of how we project our preconceptions on others through a filtered medium is like icing on the cake. Thank you.

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

chucho — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 22:05:27 GMT

Is that the reference to "Allison", as in Krauss; or "Alison", by Elvis?

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

profitbob — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 22:36:09 GMT

chucho, to this Allison. I am posting it since the lyrics sort of apply to True Love!! and the question.

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

chucho — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 23:33:26 GMT

Very Cool! dial-up makes it a patience game, but woth the wait!

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

Asha — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 23:43:58 GMT

Hi profitbob! I just have to say .. excellent advice for True love!! So many couples forget the "FOR BETTER OR WORSE" part of their Marriage Vows! Maybe the Minister or Judge should give the Bride and Groom an oral and written test right there in front of their audience and all the other "hot and sexy people in the world they could meet some day"... What did I just say??? Now write it on the chalk board 50 times!.. Before they can ever say "I DO"

Cheaters give Marriage a bad name.

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

profitbob — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 02:02:21 GMT

Asha, thank you. Hopefully True Love!! will take the right path before it is too late. It would be a shame if a family broke up over something unnecessary like this that is doomed to failure. But I don't know if she even reading these posts, much less thinking about heeding any of this advice. It definitely isn't what she asked to hear, and we may (with the exception of OronD) be giving her the impression we are too critical/judgemental of her. After all, she did ask this question through Web4Health, and information about the Yedda community is buried in its website instead of the front page where they say, "... I went to copy the phrase and paste it in, but they changed their website to be a little less misleading. It used to say that a panel of experts would answer questions, but they changed that. Now when you ask a question there, you are told, "Intelligent Natural-Language Question-Answering". Yedda is still buried in the details on another page, but at least we aren't being billed as "a team of experts appointed by the Commission of the European Communities". I think the fact that I kept making disclaimer notices in my replies may have had something to do with that, but we'll never know. I suspect some of the questions from Web4Health may be the staff checking to see what kind of replies their clientele get in a certain type of situation. Possibly on a slow day the psychologists study us to watch the dynamics of group communication.

Regardless, I am wandering way off topic, and if True Love!! is reading this and getting annoyed I apologize.

chucho, thanks. If anyone wants to find it on youtube, the best search term is "allison by tom moran". Not the famous one.

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

True love!! — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 16:49:24 GMT

Thank you all for all your advice honsetly I thnk you, I am still in this illusion that love conqures all I think I don't know I just want to be happy I know that I am a big disappoinment to my family and all that surrounds me I know this. I can't stand that look in my husbands eyes that look that wishes he was married so someone else I know that I am one big falure to him and to my daughter. I never say or do anything right in his eyes and perhapps he is right. I am tired my mind is tired my body is tired and my soul is tired and I can't help that the only person that truely understands me is this man that I have fallen so in love with with he makes me feel so special so wanted so loved. I have tired to ignore his emails his texts and even his calls but he leaves me these emails and messages that are so breath taking and leaves me so weak in the knees I can't help but be in ahhh of this man. He is willing to do anything for me his love for me is so real and so passiniate I can't help but stay n love with this man. I know that he is basing his love on a woman that only what he seems to be and not the real me. But I am soooo scared of losing this man so scared of going back to this life that I feel so unwanted. I just want to be happy I want to feel loved and needed,special and admired I just wanted to be loved. I am a big belivier of " True Love" and I have never in all my days on this earth as an adult ever felt that untill now and I am tired of crying myself to sleep at night because I know deep in my heart that I will never know what it would be like to feel true love with this man because I know I have lost him yet I never really even had him:`-(

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

jkgrandma — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 16:58:11 GMT

Make an appointment with a qualified mental health professional (therapist or counselor) IMMEDIATELY.

You have issues which are causing these 'down' feelings; a doctor may be able to prescribe medication which will help you gain back a semblance of happiness while you continue therapy to address the root cause of your problems.

Again, NEITHER YOU NOR THIS MAN KNOW OR LOVE ONE ANOTHER! Your 'relationship' is based solely on lies and escapism; if you are unable to stop yourself from listening to his messages or viewing his emails, then you should CHANGE YOUR NUMBER AND YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS and DO NOT CONTACT HIM AGAIN!

You have a chance to get healthy and succeed as a parent and a spouse - please take that chance before you destroy yourself as well as your loved ones.

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

profitbob — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 18:29:27 GMT

True Love!!, I am glad that you responded to us. Like jkgrandma just wrote, what you are feeling isn't "true love", though it may be a very powerful emotion and uncontrollable. You are suffering from clinical depression as near as I can tell from here, and clinging to anything that makes you feel good is natural. So is this escapist fantasy you are building with this man. The both of you are in a bad situation and you are romanticizing the other into the perfect partner. If this was the only issue, it would be easy to solve. The two of you would meet and get to know each other and sooner or later you would realize that he has flaws, just like any other man, no matter how wonderful. That his flaws are obvious to me but not to you is part of your problem with the depression. Telling you this doesn't help much. What needs to be done is to get your perspective back and for that you have to deal with your depression.

You also have to deal with the communication problem you and your husband have. Assuming that you each know what the other is thinking or feeling, instead of actually talking about the things that make you feel bad is part of the problem. That is why the two of you together need to attend some type of in person counseling with a therapist or counselor moderating your discussion. You need to be able to talk about this stuff with your husband, and vice versa, and at the moment you two aren't talking.

You need to get treatment for your depression. Usually depression is something that people cure themselves of in a couple of months, or the depression deepens to the point where you need outside help. Yours has gone on for much too long and it is affecting how you perceive and relate to other people. You need to see a doctor to establish that there aren't any physical causes for your depression and find the course of treatment that best applies to you.

I think you will probably reject jkgrandma's advice to sever all communications with your boyfriend. How about being honest with him and telling him the plain unvarnished truth about yourself? If you really loved this man, you wouldn't be lying to him and leading him on with a false impression of you.

The person that you love the most is your daughter, yet she barely has entered into this conversation. That you are willing to risk losing her or cause her a lifetime of pain because of your divorce to her father should tell you something about how illogical your thinking has become.

That "true love conquers all" is a popular notion is undisputable. Whether it a true notion, or just human optimism is uncertain. That you could have "true love" with someone you have never met seems highly improbable. I won't say it is impossible, but in this case I think it is extremely unlikely. As I wrote earlier, I think the two of you are building an escapist fantasy together. This seems a hundred times more likely to me than true love.

Eventually as you get better you will naturally see your mistakes and this incident will fade in emotional impact. That is something for the future. If you want to continue your romance with this man while you seek therapy, that probably wouldn't be the worse thing in the world, but this relationship will have to end sooner or later if you want to preserve your marriage.

If after months of counseling with your husband the two of you decide to separate and give up on your marriage, then your boyfriend will always be there waiting for you. Because after all, if it is true love, the both of you are willing to wait as long as necessary for each other. What you will eventually find out is that your husband really loves you, not this other man. Your husband just doesn't know how to deal with this problem right now, and may not know the depth of it since you keep so much from him. That's why the two of you together need to be in counseling, to understand what the other is thinking and feeling because neither of you is doing that now.

Good luck. Take it one day at a time and don't do anything rash, like divorce or separation, that you can't undo until you have tried sorting this all out.

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

chucho — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 19:48:42 GMT

True love! - My dear; you think that we don't understand, but I can promise you that most of us have been there. Get your act together, and rise above this husband of yours; and this fictitious character. You think that this man is the pinnacle of men. I guarantee that if you, and I were to write; you would fall in love with me, too. I am an understanding, compassionate man, and father of 5; and I have been abused. I can write to your heart, your mind, your soul, and make your skin stand up in goosebumps; among other things. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME. So, If I can do that; as this man has - He is NOT "One in a million". he just knows what you want to hear. Have him tell you what his real faults are; the things that will drive you nuts. Real things. AND - Send him your picture. He will break up with you because you lied to him, if he is a good, decent man. If he doesn't, you wouldn't want him. And, as it's been pointed out - If you are unfaithful to your current situation; what would stop you from doing it again?

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

Asha — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 20:16:52 GMT

You all are going to think I'm an ass for contradicting everything I've already said to True love!! But after reading the second post, true love, I think you need to get away from your husband for a while. Not to run to another man's arms, but to clear your head and get back to that girl you were before you got Married.

Marriage isn't for everyone. And finding a good partner (for life) at such a young age is by the grace of God, and only God.

I feel sad for you. I don't know you, but I want you to have a good life, with a Marriage that is alive and fulfilling. That is God's will for us. The husband you picked is all wrong for you... and I'm so sorry to know that. But whatever you do don't cheat! If a seperation doesn't work, divorce him before you take up with another man! There's is an old rule of thumb in this life... "You reap what you sow." In other words, what you do to others will be done unto you.

God Bless you. Before you make a move, I hope you will Pray to God about everything... He is the only one who loves you more than any person can.. He will show you the right way to go.

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

Donna aka Maya — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 04:31:23 GMT

Bob, Whatta ya gonna do???DB gets me into some questions and I have to spread the wealth at times. Back to the garden...I wonder if you took a picture of it and put it to my e-mail which of course I would send privately; that I could print out pictures cuz they are great! Your imagination surpasses me.

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

DB Lady — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 04:43:57 GMT

Maya, I just love to see you, Asha, Profitbob, Chucho, George, Equus, Jada,OronD, Skitch and Elena and Jkgrandma in all the posts. It becomes lively and fun discussion.

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

Donna aka Maya — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 05:13:26 GMT

DB, So true. And of course you know we all feel the same way about you. That is why we keep coming...

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

Donna aka Maya — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 05:14:40 GMT

Asha, You go girl...

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

True love!! — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 09:54:42 GMT

Thank you again to everybody for your post,advise and tips. Thank you!! I have thought long and hard about what you all said and took into consideration every one of your post and I have emailed this man my "true love" that I call him I emailed and and told him the truth about me and I even enclosed real pics of me and I was so scared to push that send button, stupied I know. childish maybe...but I couldn't help but think this could be the last email I will be sending this man and I wouldn't be suprised if I didn't get one back. I am trying to prepare myself..prepare myself for an email response from him cussing me out or even worst telling me that he could never love a woman like this and I don't know what would be worst getting an email that would say he wanted nothing to do with me ever again or not gettin an email at all:-( I don't know what to do anymore my heart hurts and I don't want to pretend anymore I just wanted to feel loved and wanted and I know now that the one person that did all that for me is and will be long gone once he reads my email. He texted and called me yesterday becuase I stoped texting him and emailing him. And what did he do he put him self on the next plane out of P.R. he wanted to prove his love for me was real. Yes I do belive that he did that because he told me what gate he was at what airport he was at yesterday and what time he was getting there, I was curious I went to the airport and I stood there and his plane arrived I was neverous why? I don't know hoping that maybe he wasn't real and this all was just a joke on me and then maybe I could go on with my " so called" life who knows. But it was real he was real I saw him walking down the terminial and I took a deep breath my hands where shaking and I felt faint I didn't know what to do. Here the man I have been talking to got on a plane and came to see me and as he walked I followed him he made a call and I looked down at my cell and it was him, I did not answer he left a message saying," honey it's me I am here please even if just for a second meet with me" my heart fell and I ran once again he called me a few times after that he dose not know where I live so I knew that he wouldn't find me,but I was nervous all day that he would try. after all that I came back home and I pulled in the driveway and thought to myself what in the world are you doing why are you doing this what is the matter with you? I couldn't even answer my own question. I don't know whats wrong with me I don't. All I did know what that I was lonely and craved this mans attention he made me feel so special and loved he never asked me for a thing only that I never leave him and that I was honest with him and I couldn't even do that.

Now I do love my daughter she is my angel face I love her with all my hear and soul she is number one in my heart and yes I have thought about her in this whole process that I have been going threw. And I suppose I made my self belive that perhaps this was better for her. She wouldn't have to be around my husband and I arguring all the time that maybe she would one day forgive her mother for leaving her father I don't know. But I know that I have to stop being so selfish and stop thinking about myself here and focus my attention on her I never wanted to push her aside and make her feel like number 2 never did I want to do that. But I guess I have and I am sorry and I know I have no right to ever be forgiven but maybe one day mhy happness will come weither it be now or never I won't hold my breath. I truely know I don't deserve it. And I ask my self this question..What happens now? :`-(

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

Donna aka Maya — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 10:08:33 GMT

What happens now is right. I would really love to hear the answer to that one. God Bless you. I just woke up. Time to pray and here it is..Dear Lord, this person who goes by true love, may you guide her to do the right thing and may your will be done.

Amen

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

DB Lady — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 10:27:40 GMT

Good Morning true love, You did the right thing of not leaving your family for this man. He will get over this, don't you worry, he will find another lonely wife like you. Why don't you try being affectionate to your husband? You have loved him before. Make him feel he matters to you. I'm sure he will reciprocate. It's not easy to do the right thing. It's always a struggle. So now, focus on your own family and you'll be pleasantly surprised of the change in your husband if you start being loving to him again. I recommend for you to go to Dr laura.com. She's a wonderful therapist. You can also get her book, The Proper Caring and Feeding of Husbands. Please read this book. This will help your marriage tremendously. Take care and I will pray for you to get over this and hopefully your family will be whole again. Happy Good Friday!!!

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

Asha — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 10:28:11 GMT

True love!! You are so awesome!!! I'm so impressed that you walked away from that affair! That potential catastrophe!!!! I wish we could hang out and talk. Maybe take in some Church this weekend! I'm very proud of you. God will certainly bless you for keeping your hands clean of all this intense temptation.

I hope you plan to take your daughter to Church this weekend. Some of my favorite memories as a child were Church on Sundays and Holidays then going out to a restraurant afterword.

You're a smart and classy woman with standards. Know that about yourself and never forget it. We will always be here for you!

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

DB Lady — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 10:30:08 GMT

Good Morning Maya, Nice prayer. Happy Good Friday to you and Happy Easter!!!

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

Donna aka Maya — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 10:51:11 GMT

Happy Good Friday. Not Easter yet. Took my grand-daughter with me for Palm Sunday mass. At end of service they sang "That Old Rugged Cross" and Brookie says (quite loudly) "That song is great! I love that song" She's 4 1/2. On Christmas she did much the same but sang Happy Birthday Dear Jesus....

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

jkgrandma — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 13:58:47 GMT

What happens now is that you are going to take your life one day at a time and one step at a time.

You took the most important step yesterday - you already know each additional step will be just as hard, if not harder - but you can do it. And you WILL do it, with strength and courage; just as you have already shown.

I still want you to make an appointment with your doctor. Tell your doctor about all the negative feelings you've been having about yourself (remember that Profitbob suggested to you that you are experiencing depression) and see what the doctor recommends for you.

Next, I want you to make an appointment with a marriage counselor. You and your husband should both go, but if he will not go; I want you to go without him.

Finally, whenever you start to get down on yourself I want you to remember, and tell yourself, this: At the time when it would have been the easiest thing in the world for me to be selfish; when all I would have had to do is turn my back and walk away from all I have; I had the strength and the courage and the integrity to stand up and choose my family. I had the power to say no. I had the power to change. I had the power to look temptation in the face and reject it. I am smart, I am strong and I am capable. I can do anything I set my mind to. My actions are the living proof.

Congratulations, dear! You're on your way.

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

Donna aka Maya — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 15:41:16 GMT

jkgram, That brought tears to my eyes.

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

True love!! — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 19:01:57 GMT

Well my greatest fear came true this afternoon, He emailed me back and just like you all thought just I was scared to think he wants nothing to do with me. My heart feels broken right now all I want to do if for this pain to go away I wish that I had never done this I was stupied to think that anbody could ever love someone like me. My fault for thinking I could do things that would make me happy. Maybe one day I will be happy but for now I don't ever see that happening. I wish on all the stars above at night that my daughter grows up to be as stronger then me. Thank you again for everything if it wasne't for all of you I would not have done what I did. You made me open my eyes to the "real world" and not what I thought was "true love" Thank you!! And I am sorry if I have let anybody down with my faliures for being this pathetic wife,mother and so called woman I am a coward to say the lease and I am sorry and wish I was stronger. Thank you again for everything!!!

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

Elena — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 19:47:04 GMT

Dear True Love,

If you wish to find that perfect love, as corny as it sounds, you must learn to love yourself first. When you say that you were stupid to think that anybody could love someone like you, this says pages about how you feel about yourself. Why couldn't anyone love someone like you? True love is not that biological rush we all get when we are attracted to someone. True love is an enduring feeling of care and affection that we realize after all of the initial "explosion" of love wears off. When we realize, hey, I love being around this person, even though they leave the toilet seat up, the toothpaste tube not squished right, they smell bad sometimes, and all of the other annoying things that human beings do,and, basically, we are compatible with them on most levels, that is when we know it is true love. We can't get to that point until we show them all of who we are... physically, mentally and spiritually. And, in order to do that, we have to like who we are pretty well. That's your job now.. for you and for your daughter. Don't hope that your daughter will somehow magically be different than you, be a role model for her to emulate. Show her what a woman who loves herself is like.

You can do this. It will take bravery and determination on your part. This whole episode of your life seems to have occurred to give you the opportunity to change things. The question is, will you do it?

Many Blessings to you,

Elena

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

jkgrandma — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 20:05:12 GMT

Great answer, Elena!

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

Donna aka Maya — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 20:31:33 GMT

Elena, I am not even going to respond. Your answer was perfect.

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

Donna aka Maya — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 20:32:11 GMT

Ya got that right jkgram, now btw, what is up with skitch?

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

Elena — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 21:08:16 GMT

Thanks, Jk and Maya.

Without going into detail, I can say that Skitch is doing okay.

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

Asha — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 22:53:58 GMT

Hi True love!! I hope you're doing alright. All these responses you've been given have been helping me too! Sometimes it's hard to be a woman.. mother and wife. We can lose who we are.

Anyway, what I wanted to suggest as far as you building your self-confidence is to look into the Martial Arts..Karate or maybe Tae kwon do. It's so much fun to learn and to know, and really builds a lot of confidence. You and your daughter... maybe even your husband could all do it together! I think it's time to open some new doors in your life before depression really takes hold. All of us have to find ways to fight that stuff off and not just sit in it.

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

jkgrandma — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 00:13:25 GMT

Skitch is fine; she just doesn't have Internet access right now. She plans to get back on to Yedda as soon as she can.

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

chucho — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 02:51:04 GMT

You're not pathetic, or a coward; or any of that. You just want to be happy, like the rest of us. If you want your daughter to grow up a better person, then you show her! I know right now that you are hurting, and there is good reason - Because you chose to love. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that! That's what makes you a worthwhile person, in the first place! Just do what Elaena said - Love youself first. You have to get to the point where you don't NEED a man to make yourself feel good. You may WANT a man, but that is different. The other thing is - There is someone out there for all of us (More, actually). Someone that wants us for us; not what they want us to be. Don't beat yourself up; but learn from this. Don't make the same mistakes, and expect different results. Look at it this way - You might have lost him; but you've gained us! And we're better for you, anyway. We already know a little bit about you, as you are; not how you want us to see you. Chin up!

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

Donna aka Maya — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 10:46:38 GMT

Great answer chucho!

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

Donna aka Maya — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 07:18:31 GMT

Thank you.

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

True love!! — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 15:45:24 GMT

Hello everyone, I hope everyone had a great Easter!!

I just wanted to leave a quick note, I talked to my husband and told him that I wanted to go to marriage counseling. I was quite suprised by his answer, he didn't pause or hesitate when I asked him only said said "when do you want to go?" I was speechless and didn't know what to say. At that moment I felt so happy and sad at the same time, happy because I felt like he loved me enough to want to make this work or sad that he realised that there was something wrong with our marrage and knew that something need to be fix. Either way I want to make this work I want to be happy I want him to be ahppy and most importanly I want my daughter to be happy and see us bothe happy.

I still feel lonley and wish that things worked out differently, is that wrong of me to feel this way? Am I a bad person to have these feelings still? I don't know but I hope when everything is said and done I can sit back take a deep breath and realise that this is where I belong and that we as a family will be OK!! thank you everyone for listening to my problems its good to know that there are people out there that have hearts such as you all, and I thank you :-)

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

DB Lady — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 16:14:00 GMT

Hi,

You will be OK, just go for marriage counseling. All these things will be in the past. There is no perfect marriage, remember? Just be optimistic.

Let us know, we're here to help.

God Bless you.

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

jkgrandma — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 16:14:35 GMT

To my way of thinking, it means your husband loves you.

He knows your marriage is having problems and he wants to work to fix them because he loves you and your daughter. He wants to have a loving, strong, healthy relationship with you so you can both be happy and be there for your daughter.

It is ok to be sad and happy at the same time.

But guess what? After some marriage counseling and some time, I think you'll be more happy than sad! Keep us posted.

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

profitbob — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 18:01:39 GMT

True Love!!, good for you. I am glad to hear things are going so much better already. When you look back in a year or two you will wonder how you managed to make such a mistake, and you will be happy that you didn't make it a permanent mistake. It just takes some time to work through all the different issues, but those feelings of loneliness and regret will eventually leave you.

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

chucho — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 23:15:08 GMT

I think you are doing just fine. I want you to have a great life. You still feeling lonely is normal, and the way it's supposed to be. I'm so proud of you!!!

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

Donna aka Maya — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 09:06:15 GMT

Sounds like a happy ending. Good answer chucho.

RE: True love torn apart:-(!!! HELP PLEASE!!!

True love!! — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 02:46:39 GMT

Hello all, I hope everyone is doing well, I just wanted to give you all that have helped me let you know what has been happening. My husband and I are going to marriage consuling we go twice a week. And I guess it it helping a little bit. I know it will take time but it does feel better to talk to him more and he does seem to start to understand were I am coming from and what has been missing in our marrage. But I can't help but still think about..well you know who, is this wrong of me? And should I bring up in consuling that I was having this " internet affair"? I don't know what would come out of it if I did say something I am kinda scared to find out.