How to know if having children is right for you

Angel — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 08:52:34 GMT

Ok this is a difficult question to ask, but I am dying for knowledge that I cannot seem to find! I want to know how you know if you really want to have children??? I'm 25 almost 26 years old, and I am lop sided on the decision! Sometimes I feel like I don't want children because I don't feel that I am ready or will ever be ready to give up my freedom. I like being able to go to bed when I want, and get up when I want to. I like not having a responsibility of raising a child. But yet I find my self wanting a child sometimes. I will dream about them, be around them and just get this feeling that I cannot describe. Like my whole body is telling me that this is the right thing to do! Then on the other hand I have friends with kids who will tell me the horror stories of getting up constantly with a baby, their 5 yr old won't go to bed or I hear their children whining for no reason and it doesn't stop. Then I want to scream and go who would ever want to do this. So I am wondering if these are just fears from young age or a total sign to not procreate?? I don't want to turn around and be 40 wishing I would have had children but I also don't want to get into a life long commitment and not be able to handle it?? Any advice???

RE: How to know if having children is right for you

LindaRuth — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 11:33:09 GMT

Are you married? I mention that because to me it was very important to have my husbands help during the early years of raising children. I don't think I could have done it alone. In the middle of the night after I fed the baby, he would get up burp the baby and put him back to sleep. It was so nice being able to take turns and having someone to help. If you get frustrated or tired you know that someone will be there to help you. It is stressful even for married couples so don't try this if you feel you are not ready.

RE: How to know if having children is right for you

Angel — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 18:53:15 GMT

I am engaged, and trust me I don't want kids until after we are married. Also I am not tyring to rush into having kids. I would like to get married and live in our own place before I ever think of getting pregnant. I just want to know if the things I'm feeling will pass with age or are the true signs to not have children?

RE: How to know if having children is right for you

jkgrandma — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 18:59:19 GMT

Nobody ever knows. Even people who are parents always have that feeling of 'what if' I had stayed childless.

Heck, I'm 53 and I have three adult children and a toddler (age 2 in November) grandson and even now I sometimes wonder, "Why did I do this, again?"

I'd say unless you absolutely hate being around kids, they always irritate you and you never see any benefit to their existence; then you will probably make a wonderful parent.

And as everyone knows, it's so much easier to parent your own child instead of listening to the whining from someone else's kid!

Good luck,

jkgrandma

RE: How to know if having children is right for you

Angel — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 03:05:03 GMT

Jkgrandma, thanks so much for your insight! I thought I was a horrible person for feeling this way. And no kids don't always irritate me, just when I don't approve of the way they are parented, or when they are acting like brats. And I know I will feel different when it is my own child and that parenting isn't always a walk in the park I just don't want to turn around and feel like a made a huge mistake with either decision!

RE: How to know if having children is right for you

smurf — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 22:10:02 GMT

I can honestly say the only person that can answer this is you . I was a young mother . and I have loved every minuet of it . I never had this fredom to choose , if you feel that you dont want to experiance childbirth then look in to other options like adoption . Children are the beging of a real life with love that canot ever be taken away no matter the obsicles in life , or the bad desisions that you make that child will except every bit that you give and will give in return in their own way . they have books and classes , but no matter its you who decide what you want for your child and you have to adapt your own parenting style . I have three and I have three diffrent ways i have to approch things .

RE: How to know if having children is right for you

Kayt — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 23:19:20 GMT

People like to share bad news: the times up at night, the difficult times, pregnancy horror stories, etc. Get a new set of friends, or ask them about the joys.

Then picture yourself in 5 years, 10 years, 15 years, etc. Do you see yourself doing homework, watching soccer games, helping your daughter pick out a wedding dress?

You may want to volunteer at an organization that works with children--or be a volunteer at a school. Remember, it is easier for your friends to get your sympathy and attention by telling you bad stories--the worse, the better. But there are snuggly times after a bath, and the joys of seeing your child learn. Best of luck.

RE: How to know if having children is right for you

babygirl29 — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 13:28:39 GMT

you know i could tell you no,but you would have to go throu for yourself to know if you are fit for it and you are never to young for anything in this world.