Pls comment on this..

ocean — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 18:39:18 GMT

i really have to ask this....... is letting go going to a point of really shutting the person out of your life? i have tried all the things written above, as far as i know.. but after 8 yrs.. i think i want to believe that sometimes, you can never be friends.. i just want to know if to the extremes, you just have to cut the tie between the two of you and just tell yourself, you cant be friends. but this will be cutting my other friends out of my life.. i just dont want to do anything with him, but my friends just cant move on with the idea that my ex and i are over, which makes it hard for me. no matter how i drop the topic, they just seem hope that we'll be together considering that both of us are sitill single. help...

RE: Pls comment on this..

mom2344 — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 05:47:15 GMT

This is hard, I know. But it sounds like you really know the answer to this.

Ask yourself:

Are you getting all the love, respect, admiration, support, friendship, and all that comes with being with someone who is supposed to love you, from this relationship?

Does he look at you as someone he puts first in the relationship? Do you look at him that way? Are the two of growing together or moving apart?

Do you need him? Or want him.

Do you feel like you both support each others dreams and goals and see yourselves together for a very long time?

If you don't feel any of these, then why would either of you want to pro-long this?

I feel like I say this too much in other posts, but don't you deserve the kind of relationship that gives you love and respect and support? We all do.

And by the way, your REAL true-blue friends will encourage you to live your best life and support you. If anyone else whines about it, tell them to leave it alone.This is your life.

Good luck!

RE: Pls comment on this..

nnnnrrrr — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 04:18:29 GMT

i didnt like that link you have at the top of your questions.... if you have gone thru a bad breakup it doesnt seem to fit.

i had a similar issue, me and my ex had the exact same friends, we were all one big group, everyone loved everyone, including me and my ex... then we broke up... i had to be around him everyday or be alone with no friends. it was the hardest thing i have ever done, even tho i didnt want to be with him! i even tried moving away making a fresh start, i missed my family and friends and came home. i had to shut him out for a long time, i tried to stay away from events he would be at. it got better after time. time heals all wounds... now were friends, i see him very often, he has a gf and i have a bf. its 100% fine now. but i NEVER expected to be his friend again, i told myself im worth it. im worth staying at home with a movie and friend, rather then goto a party where i knew he would be.

you do need to distance yourself, tell your best girlfriends things are not okay and you need them to support you. they need to be on your side in the sense that they support you and be there and stop saying they want you and your ex together! you want to get over it, you need support. your there for your friends they need to be there for you.

sorry i started ranting, i hope this helps a tiny bit.

RE: Pls comment on this..

TechnoMom — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 18:05:56 GMT

There are definitely some people who have no place in a healthy life, and cutting off contact with them can be the best thing for you (even for both of you). Sometimes you can't be friends. Friends who won't support you in that decision aren't true friends.

RE: Pls comment on this..

littleMissBudd — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 04:52:45 GMT

personally im having the same issue where i want somone out of my life and its hard to keep up with the same group of friends that you both hung around with but i believe you should do what makes you happy , i think that if you want somone COMPLETLEY out of your life then you should cut all strings and the people who are your true friends will stick by you and except the situation , if not then they obviously dont really care for having you as a friend. 8 years is a long time but sometimes feelings go away and sometimes there is to much history in a relationship where you cant just be friends you need to let go and do what makes you happy.