Is it disrespect?

suz-q — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 16:01:11 GMT

I really need some good, truthfull advice! I have been with my boyfriend for almost 8 months now. I am head over heals in love with him. My ten year old daughter (Livvy) and I moved in with him a couple months age. We both just go out of horrible marriages where we were cheated on and betrayed. He is truly everything I have ever dreamed of. We live in his 250,000 dollar new house, it appears that my life is wonderful. And it has been till lately. He has changed. He cuts me down all the time, he makes sick disrespectful jokes about me when we are out in public or with friends. Like last night we were out, in front of our friends and stranger and the bartender, he says "have you ever gone down a sliding board naked and left snail tracks?", i was so embarrassed i got up and walked away, and he sees me upset and just says"she can't take a joke"....i've told him to stop and he won't, he does it constantly. i CAN take a joke. but i feel he's disrespectful to me. then i caught him checking out some young pretty girl from head to toe. i made him drop me off at home and at eleven thirty and he didn't come home till 330 am. I heard his x used to insult him all the time in front of other people so he should know how it feels. I bought a new pair of jeans at Buckle yesterday he didn't even say i looked nice! He made a joke saying oh new jeans you got a camel to going on!!!!!!!!!! AND I DON'T HAVE A CAMEL TOE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I THOUGHT I LOOKED DAMN GOOD!!!does he even love me? does he respect me? or is it me? Help...?

RE: Is it disrespect?

jkgrandma — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 17:07:44 GMT

I don't know if he loves you or respects you, but his actions certainly scream that there's a problem.

Have you tried talking about it? Not accusations or blame, but telling him how you feel and asking for his take on things.

If the two of you feel that you would like to salvage your relationship and continue being together, then I think you will need the help of a third party.

An experienced couples counselor can help the two of you learn to communicate and also help you discover the cause of this behavior so that it can be dealt with.

Meanwhile, to throw my two cents in I just have to ask.

What in heaven's name were you thinking?

You each just got out of terrible marriages, you've only been with him for 8 months, you move yourself and your 10 year old daughter in with him at the 6 months mark and you're wondering why your relationship is no bed of roses?

Have you never heard of too much, too soon?

RE: Is it disrespect?

Buckeye1951 — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 17:47:41 GMT

Sounds like he was mistreated and feels he can do it now.Hes very disrespectful of you and he better hear and see whats happening or he may lose out on a very good deal,your love.

RE: Is it disrespect?

Skitch — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 19:09:24 GMT

I think he is trying to end your relationship. If you get angry enough, he figures you will just take your daughter and move out. I would suggest doing so. Yes, he is being disrespectful, and worse, he is being infantile. He wants out but is too much of a coward to tell you up front and honestly.

Get out while you have your pride and before he starts speaking to your daughter that way.

RE: Is it disrespect?

Elena — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 19:13:55 GMT

Hi Susan,

If both of you are just out of marriages, it is very possible that, for both of you, this is a rebound relationship. Rebound relationships rarely work. They start out of a need to be with someone at any cost. It is always a good idea to wait a while and deal with the feelings left over from the first relationship before venturing forth into another.

I agree that couples counseling is needed now. I agree that it was rather impulsive for you to move in with your boyfriend so soon. Perhaps it would have been better to wait and learn to live independently and be your own person first.

Your boyfriend sounds like an extremely immature individual. If he is truely a loving person and cares for you, then he will go with you to couple's counseling. If this is not the case, it may be time for you to consider what it would be like to live with someone like this the rest of your life.

I know that being alone in the world can be scary. Sometimes, however, being alone and knowing that we can depend on ourselves is a very important step towards a good future. It prevents us from jumping into things because we are desperate or needy and means that we choose relationships wisely.

Elena

RE: Is it disrespect?

Equus — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 19:44:08 GMT

Susan , I also read your question of 11 months ago . I am assuming this is the same man . This relationship in my opinion started out with dishonesty and deceit . You had an affair with this man while married and he slept with your so called bestfriend . I am not surprised at all that his unacceptable behavior has continued . Your relationship started out with unacceptable behavior by both of you . Relationships that start with infidelity and adultery rarely have trust and respect . You stated 11 months ago that he had changed after you left your then husband , and had become verbally abusive . This man had then and still has a committment problem with you .

If this is not the same man the following still applies . He sees how upset you are you say you made him take you home . What I say is that a man who is suppose to love and value you drops you off not caring how upset you are and doesn't return till 3:30 in the morning . Where was he ? Why does he have such little concern for your feelings ? A man who loves, respects and values a woman does not behave as he is behaving . No I do not feel that he is in love in with you and know for a fact that he does not respect you . This is not setting a good example of a loving committed relationship for your daughter . I would end this relationship immediately .

RE: Is it disrespect?

NJoy — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 21:12:26 GMT

Yes, it is disrespectful to speak to you this way. It sounds to me as if he has grown tired of you and is trying to push you out of his nest. Evidently 8 months was not long enough for you two to decide to move in together or perhaps it was just long enough.

If a person treated me the way you describe his treatment of you, I'd move on, get out and take my daughter with me.

It sure does not sound like he loves you or even likes you. Your profile says you are 38. I assume he is about the same age, which means, to me, that you both should have known better than to move in together so soon after meeting.

Both of you came out of, what you say were,bad marriages. For goodness sake, s-l-o-w---yourselves down. Stop rushing at life. Let life come to you. Sex is not everything. Grow up and set a better example for your daughter, if it isn't too late already.

RE: Is it disrespect?

tlc — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 00:54:52 GMT

i think thats really bad i think if he does that again in public u shud do it back n just say well im treatin u as u treatme n if u dont stop then im gonna have to think about this relationship

RE: Is it disrespect?

Kathy — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 23:05:41 GMT

In answer to your question, Yes, he is being disrespectful.. What I would do about it... I think I would make a trip to the ex's house and see what really ended their marriage.. I don't think this behavior is something new.. This man has issues, and he's taking them out on you. And another thing if he's doing this in front of his so called friends, its only going to get worse... take your daughter and get out before he destroys what little public respect you have left.