Why can't I end a very bad relationship?

sadgirlsgv — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 10:36:34 GMT

I'm sorry this is so long:

I am in a relationship that I know is hurting myself and my children, but I don't seem to be able to walk away from it no matter how much I think that I want to. We have been together for three years and have a two year old daughter together-- I also have a six year old son from a previous relationship. He is much older; he is 47 and I am 26. When we first met he was living with one woman and dating several others. I was not interested in him, nor attracted to him at first. After we had known each other for several months he put a knife to my throat and forced me to sleep with him. Rather than going to the police, having him arrested, getting a restraining order...etc...it was like I instantly fell totally, obsessively in love with him. Everything went downhill very quickly after that. I soon became pregnant and asked him to leave the other women he was seeing. He explained to me that he was with them, one in particular, because they were "in his corner"...that they would do things for him that I wouldn't and that if I wanted him to be with me I needed to prove that I was as "loyal" as they were. I quickly decided that that was what I needed to do...so I "proved my loyalty" by stealing the items that he wanted me to from a retail store. I was caught and arrested-- five months pregnant. I was released because I had no criminal history and ordered to seek psychiatric and theraputic services. He was subsequently arrested and served a year in prison. I lost my family, who will no longer speak to me because of the choices that I made, I lost my apartment (my foster family owned it), I lost my son for five months, and I dropped out of college. For the year that he was away things were so much better. I worked hard at repairing my life. I participated in the court-ordered counseling services and parenting classes, was given back custody of my son, secured a beautiful apartment, and gave birth to my adorable little girl. 11 months ago he was released from prison and I can feel my life beginning to start that same downward spiral. Our relationship has always been, and continues to be very violent. I know it is not healthy, but I like it...I find myself thinking "if he wants me badly enough to make me sleep with him, he must really love me" "if he really wants to be with me, he will force me to stay". He has always been abusive to women and several of his ex girlfriends have restraining orders. He has threatened to kill me. He has taken me into the mountains in the middle of the night, and shown me where he would burry me when he did decide to kill me. During the brief periods in our relationship that were non-violent, I was unhappy and bored. I felt that because he had hurt other women more than he had hurt me, he didn't love me the same way that he loved them-- so I began intentionally doing things to make him angry. He continues to see other women while he lives with me...well actually I have no "proof" of that, but everything seems to point in that direction. He stays gone for days at a time and offers no explination for his absence. He gets very angry when I question him about it. Every time he stays out all night I call him obsessively (literally several hundred times) then pack his things and set them near the door and hope for the strength to end it for real this time. I break up with him as soon as he walks in; I yell & throw his things outside; I tell him that I never want to see him again. As soon as he walks away I feel physically sick, I start throwing up, I feel shaky, dizzy, and hot all over; I feel as though I don't want to live. In those situations I have thought many times about killing myself, but then I think about my children finding me dead and I don't want to put them through that. Soon I call and beg him to come home. I hate the way that I feel when I am with him...but I feel worse when I am without him. I need to stop this, if not for myself...then for my children. Although we do not engage in physical violence in front of them, they are very intuitive, bright kids and I'm sure that thay have some idea about what is going on. Also, I feel like I am very emotionally unavailable to them because I am so wrapped up in him. I know that he is dangerous; he is on psychiatric medication and is diagnosed as bipolar and a sociopath. My psychiatrist keeps changing my diagnosis, so I can not tell you exactly what it is at this time, but after reading the description of borderline personality disorder I believe that that is the most fitting. I need to stop this. The logical, rational part of me truly wants to, but a deeper part of me does not. Any advise/help would be much appreciated.

*** Update:

I thank all of you for your responses. It seems that a higher power has intervened and made the decision that I could not. I can't help but think that all of your prayers and well wishes must have had something to do with this. He has been arrested for another shoplifting charge and because of all of his previous felonies the District Attorney is asking for the three-strikes law to be applied. He has a no-bail parole hold. It appears that he will be serving quite a long time in prison. While I do miss him...I know that this is for the best. I plan to use this opportunity to start a new life for my family.

RE: Why can't I end a very bad relationship?

DB Lady — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 11:01:41 GMT

Hi sadgirl,

Your story is truly sad indeed. You need intensive psychotherapy in addition to the medications prescribed to you by your Psychiatrist. Please think about your kids, you need to be emotionally strong for them. Stay away from him and move somewhere else where he could not find you. That is your ultimate decision to change the way your life is heading. Nobody will do it for you. This man is dangerous and may kill you eventually, God forbid.

Please pray to God for more emotional strength. I hope you're a Christian. If you are, join a Bible study class and form friendships with some church members who could provide you with the emotional support that you need right now.

Take care of yourself and your children. They need you badly.

RE: Why can't I end a very bad relationship?

A Brown — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 12:27:56 GMT

Believe me, if it is as bad as you make it sound ,you have a lot of serious thinking and decision making to do.Have you talked to anyone trained in dealing with the kind of problems you have and are facing now? If not, run to one and lay all of this on the line, just like you told us. I think a part of you wants to be terrorized and the other part of you sees where it can lead.

At thiss point you need to get as far away as possible and stay away with no comunication what so ever. If not for you, for the innocent children. If things keep on at this rate, you will be jailed and lose your children, or he will kill you and they will lose the only person who can protect them. You said your family is not there for you anymore, so they might have him, but what kind of life is that? Tough truths are sometimes hard to digest, but honey do it while you can still think half way straight. I have always said "God doesn't give us more than we can handle" I believe that. I believe you are smart and intelligent, now prove me right and get out now. Give no warning to him, just run now.

RE: Why can't I end a very bad relationship?

Elena — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 14:51:14 GMT

Take the children and get to a women's safe house.

Everything that DB and A Brown have said is absolutely true.

Sometimes, in life, we have to do what we know is right and ignore what a deeper part of us seems to "need". That "need" is leading you and your children to a very dangerous place.

Yes, you need to be seeing a psychotherapist and a psychiatrist for a proper diagnosis,medication and on going therapy. You are dealing with an addiction to this man. Only you can stop this and secure a future for yourself and your children. If you cannot think of yourself, think of them. It is not only you that is in danger. Many times perpetrators like this will kill a whole family, or they will kill what the victim loves the most.

You are incredibly intelligent and understand your situation. I believe that if you get out of this relationship, you could truely make a place for yourself in the world. This can only happen, however, if you get out of this situation now.

Again, leave NOW and go to a safehouse. Do not tell anyone where you are going. There you will find safety and all of the resources you will need to move ahead with your life. You have nothing to lose except a dangerous, unfufilling, crazily disfunctional way of living for yourself and your children.

RE: Why can't I end a very bad relationship?

bonestructure — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 15:24:20 GMT

You do need help. And I say this having been an abused klid and an abused husband. Yes, it does happen to men, too. I understand the problem, really. It all comes down to, for some people, it's better to be abused than alone. I've been alone since I walked out of the last relationship I was in that was abusive. And trust me, the loneliness is killing me. But better to be lonely than to be controlled and abused. But your situation goes further than most, since this man was originally a rapist. And he has probably raped other women. Rape isn't just a one time thing, you know. He's no doubt raping other women while you think he's with you. And either will, in the future, or already has, killed women.

My advice to you is run. run like hell. Before he kills you. Before he goes after your daughter. Because I guarantee you, those things will happen.

RE: Why can't I end a very bad relationship?

Elena — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 16:19:14 GMT

Excellent answer, bonestructure.

RE: Why can't I end a very bad relationship?

Elena — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 18:39:35 GMT

The addict in you is the part that keeps going back to him. Being stuck in that span of time when all you can feel, hear and think is the extreme anguish of not having him there.. All of this is you inner addict controlling you.

If that psychiatrist cannot help you, seek out another one. And, you need talk therapy as well... this is very important. I would also recommend seeking out a local chapter of a relationship/sex/love Anonymous group. There you will get support and a recovery program with others who are dealing with similar situations.

I want you to know that I have the greatest compassion for the difficulty you are dealing with. I also want you to know that, although it will take time and work on your part, you can move out of this place you are in. I would tell you that you have things twisted when you say that you are poor functioning when he is not around. Living in danger, allowing yourself to continue with a relationship based not on Love, but, on degradation for you is extremely low functioning. Moving away from this is a process. After a while of being free, you will slowly have the ability and strength to make your life what you want it to be.

I also want to stress again to you how important it is that you make the move to get away from him. If you go to a Safehouse, you will not be alone. There will be people who will support you in every way necessary. While you may not see it this way now, you are not in a relationship now you are alone. Go to a place where you don't have to be alone anymore. Go to a place where you can begin to heal.

We are here if you need to talk more.

Elena

RE: Why can't I end a very bad relationship?

WorkHomeUnion — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 06:18:21 GMT

You're creating a situation where your children, as they get older will see this type of erratic behavior as normal and they will have similar type relationships when they are adults. If you have a boy, he will more than likely be abusive to women, you have a daughter she will allow men to treat her just like you are allowing this guy to treat you. There is really nothing anyone can say to get you out of this cycle. You need professional help immediately. If you don't get that help then your children, or the police will find you dead in the very near future. Just from reading your story, that will be the most likely ending to your extremely sad story. Maybe you'll do better in your next life. I will end on this note: What you are doing is totally unfair to your children and your SHAME alone should make you want to do better. However, individuals with no self-esteem and no self-worth do not have a moral compass, thus, they have no shame.

I don't mean to be so critical, just trying a little TOUGH-LOVE. Your children love you so try to do right by them.

Put your name (even if it's just your first name) out on the Internet and ask for PRAYER.

RE: Why can't I end a very bad relationship?

kenflosmooth — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 11:09:44 GMT

In a situation like this you rarely will have the strength to leave this man on your own. You will need help from an outside source to do so. Only be getting away from this man can you begin to get a grip on your life. It is a very destructive relationship. It has warped your better judgement since you have been with him for so long and putting up with his behaviour. It is a condition that is common with battered women. If he does go to jail it will give you time to get over him and that would be good for you and your kids

RE: Why can't I end a very bad relationship?

Dianne Le'Duff Millowick Carsen — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 04:40:05 GMT

Listen, your being very selfish. Sorry to be so blunt, but he's a rapist and demands you to prove your love. Is he going to ask the children to prove their love too. He will, he is a self-centred heartless person. If you stay around him your becomeing the same. Yes I know it's hard to leave, you say you were in foster care, and he's older. Your obviously looking for love and a father figure, and in this man you think you've found both, you haven't. He'll never give you what you want or need. Think of the kids, he's a rapist, is he so sick to hurt, maybe sexually the kids, probably. Your being selfish to your kids, don't you see that, do you want to loose them, because if you don't change you deserve to. I am bringing up two kids, who suffered sexual and physical abuse, and their paretnts are still the same. They will never change, they still hurt even with out trying to. They are sick people and they've been in jail too. But they come out all I'm going to do good now, get everyones hopes up ect. It never works, tough love babe is all that will works. It saved me and these kids from a life of hell and degredation. We'd all be on the streets, on drugs and doing God knows what. That's what happens when you lie down wiht evil, it slowly seeps into your very soul. I just hope the evil hasn't gone to the core of your soul. If it has give the kids a chance, leave them, and live your fucked up life, sorry. If not hold on to them and run, never look back. I know he's in jail, but as I said he'll probable try to con you, if you keep in touch, so never ever communicate with him again. If you do I mean it say goodbye to those kids. Good luck I really hope your still there to be redeemed.

RE: Why can't I end a very bad relationship?

funguy — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 17:04:23 GMT

1.Your update is good news. I assure you that God uses the laws of our land to answer our prayers. If he does get sent to prison you must make a promise you will stay away from that prision so you can get your life together. Three strikes is a good law. You know how dangerous your life situation your life situation has been for you and the kids.2. Please do not let yourself get into another relationship like this again. I say this because of the type personality you are. You seem to desperate need someone to love you and you have a misunderstanding of what love is. Please here me on this. Love will not be violent but gentle. It will not ask you to do things that are against the law. Love does not want to get you into trouble with the law or to hurt you in any way. Please understand that. Any man that puts a knife to your throat to make you sleep with him is a rapist; he does not love you. If he loved you he would court you and wait until you were willing to have sex with him. LOVE is kind, gentle, wants the best for you, is helpful, considerate, thoughtful of the other person. How would you like to fine a man like that? Your guy was possessive; he wanted to own you, to command you. He wanted a puppet so he could pull your string and you would act at his command

ed. That is not love. Don't make the same mistake twice. Once was tooo much. If someone loves you they will never threaten to kill you. NEVER!!! 3.A sociopath is one who has no feeling for other people; they just use people and don't care who they hurt or how the other people feel. That is a simple definition of a sociopath. A bi-polar person is difficult to live with due to extreme mood swings. If he ever gets out of prison, I hope you will already have happily married a nice man who really loves and cares for you and your children. 4.Please stay with your psychiatrist and any therapist you can and they will help you grow in your own personaliy to correct ony disorder. Above all you must desire to help yourself. You have children to think of as well. You have a lot of work to do, but if you are willing and determined to do it, it can be done. May God bless you as you work for a better life for you and the children.

RE: Why can't I end a very bad relationship?

rita60 — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 22:30:25 GMT

Sadgirlsgv, It sounds to me that this guy has been around way to long, what you are teaching your kids is that it is alright for a man to treat you this way, GET OUT OF THERE AS FAST AS YOU CAN, this is a very unhealthly way to live for you and your kids, if you can't do it for yourself, please do it for your kids, they deserve much better than that, and I would say if your not willing to get away from this man, your children are better off with someone else,Please do not let your children go thru anymore of this! God Bless you Rita60

RE: Why can't I end a very bad relationship?

Linda — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 23:55:36 GMT

Run away and try to beg your family and friends to take you in for awhile at least until you will be able to pick yourself back up for the sake of your children and hopefully in time, for yourself. You really need to keep seeing your pshyciatrist as well up until your inner demons are at bay especially since your story is a two-way street.

I wish you and your children all the best especially for your little girl who will indeed be a prey to your abuser when the time comes. I wish all the best for your abuser as well, may he be enlightened and straighten up someday.

RE: Why can't I end a very bad relationship?

Minyon — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 10:12:27 GMT

Reading your question was very painful. At first all I wanted to say to you was for you to read what you had written and you would see for yourself how sick this "relationship" was. Thank goodness you put in the PS! I totally agree with you that "a higher power" had intervened. PLEASE take this opportunity that The Lord has given you and give your life over to Him. I have had a defining point in my life too and since turning my life over to God, I can't tell you how wonderful life is. I am the sole caretaker for my 90yr. old Mother who has Alzheimers, and my special needs daughter (26), we have no money and yet I can still say that I AM HAPPY!! Please don't have anything more to do with this man. As you said, think of your children. I know that the best part of my life is still to come - for you too. Take advantage of it and don't look back. I will be praying for you.

RE: Why can't I end a very bad relationship?

Brett Mitchell — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 22:41:42 GMT

Good. I would suggest seeking counseling. A woman would never do this to her children.

RE: Why can't I end a very bad relationship?

nomorepbreaks — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 18:40:13 GMT

Are you a writer or an avid watcher of the daytime show "All My Children?"

Blessings,

~ nmpb ~

RE: Why can't I end a very bad relationship?

Tigerkatt — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 16:15:57 GMT

Thank God he is out of the picture at the moment. But if you don't get real help soon you will replace him with another abusive creep. You are teaching your precious babies that it is OK to be abused and to abuse. The same thing you were taught through your life experiences. You think the children don't know what was happening? Think again. You need to connect with God, The Great Spirit. Build a armor of love around yourself and your children. Love yourself first. Forgive yourself!! It is not your fault that your young mind was damaged. But what you do now should not be based off the damage done. Try meditation, focus on love. I deal with the demonic and believe me you are open to any demon to prey on you AND your kids. Find Gods Love and protect yourself with his love. Godspeed!

RE: Why can't I end a very bad relationship?

Meaza Ridley — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 19:13:46 GMT

I am glad to see the three strikes law may have saved your life, and I do believe it has.

NOW, you must seek counseling and get help to end the behavior that got you into this relationship. You clearly lack self-esteem and you have to rectify that problem or you will be passing it along to your children and the cycle will continue. Break the cycle, take control and get help now that the threat has been removed.

You knew enough to come here and ask for help; I hope you will heed the wonderful suggestions provided by everyone here.

All the best to you! God bless!

RE: Why can't I end a very bad relationship?

samthe man — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 14:14:44 GMT

hey sad girl well sometimes joining a church is ok but looks like reaching out is also important but you have to ask your self do ireally need this guy trust me there is no medical solution to your problem no psychiatric answers are make thing easier as long as you arent willing to take your life in your own hands and do something about it and yes pray to god for the strength that you need cause you have children to tend to ans suicide is not a forgivable sin sweetheart i dont care what some would say if you take your own life you will not see the light on the contrary if i was you i would bring all this to the that yoy have said to us and let the law know cause even though it has been a while he can still be prosecuted for the way he went about this wholr relationship stop being a coward and stand up for yourself and your children,dont write to him and if he writes to you return all his letters back un opened if you have to mve away do so the world is so big out there you will find a great life out there somewhere trust god and learn to trust yourself too

RE: Why can't I end a very bad relationship?

tablilla — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 16:14:35 GMT

first you cannot blame no body for your mistakes but you need to stop thinking of yourself is not about you any more is the children they are the ones cannot paid for your mistakes do what ever you have to do to keep then save, good luck and GOD blessed you

RE: Why can't I end a very bad relationship?

Kid — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 09:11:40 GMT

With all this advice I'm just wondering what you are going to do if anything.

There is some great advice on here that people have given you. If you chose to do nothing then I guess you like where your at, no one is holding a gun to your head

and makeing you stay there, that kind of man is a wimp, get a ball bat and go up side his head and he will leave you alone, unless you love what he is doing to you,

he is just all talk, and was prob. a PUNK in jail. back him down he ant nothing, and thats a fact.

RE: Why can't I end a very bad relationship?

ankh — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 04:30:12 GMT

If this is a true situation you write and I was a state worker I would take BOTH children from you for safety reasons. Do you realize what you are doing to these children--and they have a whole life in front of them BUT you have to be the one to break the cycle of emotional and physical abuse. I HAVE been in your shoes and thrown down 16 stairs while 7 mos preg. Hit on purpose by him with the car and by his fists. That was 32 years ago--TODAY--Let a f*****g man even think of putting his hands on me--you also need to go to a self defense class--you would be surprised at how self defense works with your self esteem. You need to LOVE yourself before you can truely LOVE another. And what deseases does this man carry around???? NASTY!!

RE: Why can't I end a very bad relationship?

marie — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 20:01:42 GMT

give your kids up for adoption. your are unfit and undeserving to have children. to have them know what was going on and not do anything, and let other people (the authorities, three strikes law); do what should have been done by you for the sake of the kids. i don't know how you can live with yourself. you had a second chance with a supportive foster family and you blew it. your kids could benefit from getting the same second chance. you are, what i would consider a looooserrrr, raising another generation of looosers. i bet you do not work and suck off of society. great lesson for your kids.

RE: Why can't I end a very bad relationship?

heavenboundcarol — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 07:50:13 GMT

Someone was praying for you sweety...Praise the Lord...Now you need to come to Jesus and ask Him to save you, to heal you and to deliver you and make you a new creation in Him...He will and your life will be made new for you and your children !!! God bless you to make the right decision here !!!

RE: Why can't I end a very bad relationship?

bella class act — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 21:54:20 GMT

Yes, you and only you can end this relationship, so do it as fast as you can! You are hurting yourself and your children. No one deserves to be treated the way you are. Are you that desparate? Grow up, look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are worth more than being in such a disgusting position.

RE: Why can't I end a very bad relationship?

Cheryl — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 19:42:34 GMT

You go girl! and go far. You are a strong woman and you Must see this and make the changes not just for yourself but for the children. Even though it will be hard I know you can do it. Find a church and ask for assistance getting your life together, I had to do this once although my situation was far less than yours, I was abused by my husband. You are worth more than what he has to offer! Get out there and make your life good again and stay away from the .......men that think they are so incharge and controling. You are in charge of your life and have two beautiful children. Enjoy them while they are young and everything will come to you if given time. Stay strong! Good luck

RE: Why can't I end a very bad relationship?

A Brown — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 01:37:29 GMT

You seem to be handed the trump card when he had his'" three strikes and your out" final shopping spree. What made him feel that he always had to steal or have people steal for him? Sounds like he's a little looney tunes to me. Now you know what has to be done while he is away. Run, don't walk to get away from that place as far and fast as you can. The children need you deperately and to be honest, you need them more than you ever will know. Make your life count for something positive now and be the guiding light for your kids. Don't have any contact with him whatsoever.Wipe the slate clean once and for all. Good luck, and you can do it.

RE: Why can't I end a very bad relationship?

NJoy — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 16:40:23 GMT

This question was just presented to me and I am so happy to see that you have seen then light. Please do not let this horrid person know where you are. You have lucked out so far and not been killed.

Count your blessings every day and get some help(long term) for yourself. Your self esteem must be extremely low for you to allow yourself & your children to be exposed to such atrocious behavior. All I could think of when reading your post was: Charles Manson. Not a pretty thought.

RE: Why can't I end a very bad relationship?

simon — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 03:01:04 GMT

I know you said a higher power had intervened. I thought however maybe I should add this to a comment. In this relationship you said that you had a difficult time breaking it off even though there was significant abuse,which brought me to the question have you ever been a victim of abuse as a child? It seems as though you were relating through those types of communications,almost as if you found your worth as being an enabler. I don't know if this is correct, but I do know if it is coming out of the controls of abuse is very difficult;but it can d556efinitly can be done. And hold on to a higher power He watches out for you more than you know!

RE: Why can't I end a very bad relationship?

a confused teen — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 17:49:47 GMT

Hi my name is brittany Walker and i knew exacly what you felt, i have read your story with a bleeding heart, my mother went through the same positoin you went through. I watched her get beat and choked, she always made him leave but beggede him to come back. she is still with him to this day. I feel that with him in jail you can make a new start, but like you said when he had went to jail before. you must never let him come back. even when he does resurfess. do not let him getit in your head anymore that he " Loves you " beacuse he dosent. i am so gald to hear that you want to pick the peices of your life that had once been shattered, but you always have to remember how he made you feel the disgust, that wasnt love, that was disgust that there actuall was a monster whom was throw into you life falsefully, but you are stronger now you know what you have to do. Be a mother and never never never let a man come between that because your children will grow up not loveing as you wish they wouid. I have thoughs feeling towards my mother i wish i didnt but i do. she always let her boyfriends come before me and my two brothers. I am 19 now and the oldest. I had no childhood because of her. i had to take care of my brothers from the time i was 5 up until i left home a 7 months ago. so always remember that your children are the top of your list when it comes to life. and please dnt take my words and a wrong doing i am only speaking of my heart and i want to you and your children to live like i never had the chance to be happy, and full of love. I only wish the best for you and yours and hope you have a merry christmas and a happy new year. You can do this i have faith in you

your friend,

a confused teen

RE: Why can't I end a very bad relationship?

Rob — Sat, 26 Dec 2009 00:19:59 GMT

RESPONDING TO YOUR "UPDATE" ....

That's great news that he is going away and that you are getting back on track. It was nice of you to come back and "update" your posting, for all those who took the time to give your their thoughts and suggestions too.

You credited devine intervention and thanked those who tried to give you support here, and that is all well and good. But, don't sell yourself short. Even in your question, you knew you were being pulled in the wrong direction. So in addition to all the help from above and from people here, give yourself credit to. Credit for seeing the problem. Credit for coming here and sharing it. Credit for being open to suggestions and the thoughts of others. And credit for setting your new goal to forget the bad man and move on in a positive manner with your life. I am proud of you and happy for you.

ROB

RE: Why can't I end a very bad relationship?

yorkiowner — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 03:03:36 GMT

Wow Sadgirl,

I read your story and it sadden and angered me at the same time, however at the end of your story i seen that you sent an update. I THANK GOD ! this man is out of your life as well as your children. Please continue getting help through your psychiatrist and continue taking your medications and please get your six year old some help as well. We don't want him growing up thinking it's okay to treat women the way that animal treated you. Take time out for yourself meaning do not get into another relationship anytime soon get to know yourself build up your self- esteem. Please just focus on you and your beautiful children. I also want to thank you for sharing your story with us that was your first step in getting help and it dosen't stop here continue getting the help you need to be that strong independent women you are deep down inside. We are all god's children saying that to say i love you and keep your head up.

love yorkiowner