Is my husband anti-social personality disorder and is the help for us?

inneedofhelp — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 18:41:57 GMT

My husband came from an abusive family yet he does not see it. He has no feelings for other. Has told me he is always puting on an act because if people ever really know his true self... He has no empathy for others or himself. He can be abusive one minute and act like nothing happened the next. When I touch him he pulls away telling me I'm being a lap dog just for touching his hand. Sex is the only time we touch. He tells me he does not dream. He provides well but works a union job where he is at a new place every few months . He can not work the same job or with the same poeple for very long. He hates everyone and does not care if they hate him. He does drink but has cut down to about 3-4 beers a day. I know this is self medicating. I fear that my children (ours) will see this as normal he is explosive in front of them and has no cae about my feelings and has never said he was sorry. Does this behavor seem anti-social? When it is good it is great but never lasts. How do I get out I fear he will make my life hell (more) or I will never see him again. My children are 2, 4, 5. How do I get him help or is it too late? I do not want to give up but it has been 13 years and it is getting worse.

RE: Is my husband anti-social personality disorder and is the help for us?

jaz — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 22:18:30 GMT

He sounds like a sociopath. This is a person that doesn't feel. For example, say your pet had been killed by a car. You would be heart broken, cry, feel bad for your children and their pain, you would probably comfort them. Your husband would not feel anything. He might start getting frustrated after a few days of morning that you and your children were experiencing. If he was drinking he probably wouldn't be able to control his anger and frustration. Any emotion such as sadness, empathy, happiness etc. are learned behaviors. They observe how other people react in all certain situations and they mimic that emotion. Their are no magic pills for this disorder. Its with him the rest of his life. He certainly needs psycotherapy and a correct diagnosis from a reputable Psychiatrist. Do not use your family MD to dx. This could be a serious mental health issue and you need an expert.

Just remember your husband needs to want the help, and I think what you wrote was that he didn't even realize there was a problem. You may find that his abuse escalates if you even suggest an assessment by a professional psychiatrist. But their is help and support for you and your children. You can always look in your area for mental health outlets, your hospital may have a seperate Behavioral Health department. The only one you can truely help is you and of course your young children. You cant't make your husband do anything. What you can do is keep you and your children safe physically and emotionally. Thats your responsibilty as a mother.

RE: Is my husband anti-social personality disorder and is the help for us?

Sassyjane — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 05:44:34 GMT

Dear inneedofhelp, Yes, you certainly are! I am not going to attempt to diagnose your husband here, but I would like to make some observations & suggestions to you. I find it odd that in your letter you do not mention your own feelings but seem to be obsessive about the way your husband is. I would guess that you are very codependent and out of touch with your own feelings & emotions. I don't think there is much you can do to help your husband but you can get yourself into some counseling and start to understand why you are in this abusive, dysfunctional relationship. I think this would be a better use of your time & money. For the sake of your children also you need to get mentally healthy & strong. Find a support group also. Good luck.