Basically I have two questions. The first one is ...

Katarina — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 17:47:46 GMT

Basically I have two questions. The first one is of professional nature. I've been working as a PhD fellow for almost 6 months now. PhD implies a lot of work with books and papers. I really miss meeting people, discussing things with people. I like researching but at the same time I experience this paper work as very tedious. How can I get more inspiration and motivation? I realise PhD is very important for my professional development. At the same time I find the period rather tedious. I have recently started going to the gym but hardly notice any significant difference in my emotional state.

My second question is of private character. I was on 4 dates with a guy I had met online. He is 33 and works as a teacher at a college. We were kissing and cuddling (but no sex). I am still a virgin. I told this guy that I was a virgin and my intention was to get married rather soon, in the coming year if I meet a right person. He said he respected my decision not to have sex before marriage. During the conversation he also said that people would normally date each other for 3-4 years before engagement. I don't want to wait that long to get engaged and I said that. I talked to my parents and my parents said this guy wasn't right for me since we had different views on marriage and kids. So I broke up with the guy but he keeps on sending me text messages saying he loves me and would like to marry me. I don't reply to his calls and text messages. I don't know if he just plays with me or if he has really changed his mind. During our dates he put forward so many arguments against having kids (such as world overpopulation, difficulties travelling when having kids and so on). I'm rather neutral to this guy. I am not head over heels in love with him. At the same time I don't hate him or so. At times I experienced him as a rather selfish man desiring a lot of space and freedom on those 4 dates we had. For example, he didn't answer the phone when I called him. His excuse was that he was together with a friend. Nevertheless, he used to send text messages every morning and every evening, saying how much he liked me and wanted to kiss me, good morning and so on. So, what should I do now if anything? In my last text message I wrote that I'd not respond any more. Look forward to receiving some insightful thoughts on these two issues.

RE: Basically I have two questions. The first one is ...

Jay aka EET — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 19:34:10 GMT

I don't know. Telling you to keep your eyes on the goal would not be helpful. I see this question as similar to one that asks how to get to California. (You probably would be at fault* for asking such a thing.) I could tell you to head west, but that would be of no help to you on your journey.
Step away from this individual who is embracing non-nuclear family proliferation. If your biologic clock is ticking, then get some ear plugs or turn the stereo up.

Jay

*San Andreas

RE: Basically I have two questions. The first one is ...

A Brown — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 09:14:39 GMT

You are doing part of a required job to farther your career, and you just don't like paper work. Maybe you should think about doing something else that you truly like or take the job for what it is and learn to like the misery.

About this guy, you have had four dates with and already talking about being married to him? You already found out that you needed to about him and children, and all the other things you have noticed about him that you don't particulary care for already, think what you could have discovered if you had married him. Call yourself lucky and forget him.

RE: Basically I have two questions. The first one is ...

Puzzled — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 00:39:20 GMT

Hi Katarina

To most people studying can get very monotonous, its the nature of the beat so to speak but worth it when you qualify

I think your problem is that you need to break your studies down into studying and socialising, You should set aside certain times which are yours to go out and enjoy yourself, Make a few friends, go out for a few drinks, dancing in fact anything to make you laugh, then you will find your studing becomes less tedious

As to your second question, I think you should steer well clear of him and change you number to stop him texting or telephoning you, I suspect that he is a married man just out for what he can get. send him a final text telling him that if he doesnt stop harassing you, because that is what it has become, you will report him to the police. Harassment is a crime even by texting or telephone

Keep copies of his text messages and your requests to him to leave you alone, That should act as evidence should you involve the police

In fact it may be better to consult the police now, they may decide to visit the man and give him a "friendly" warning to stop

Good Luck

Take care!

RE: Basically I have two questions. The first one is ...

NJoy — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 22:51:30 GMT

You know in your heart that this is not the man you want or need in your life. No need to ask anyone else for advice in this regard. Please do not sell yourself short and think because you are getting older and are a bit lonely that you have to hook up with someone you are feeling lukewarm about. It will do neither of you any good.