I need some family advice

Caring — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 15:51:51 GMT

Hi, I'm Canadian,but living abroad. Every time I go home for a vacation, I run into arguments with my parents. They either criticize me for mycleaning habits, my weight, my life abroad. I sometimes get my faithtested. They provide me with money and a good place to live in while I'm on vacation. However, I get scolded by them sometimes for things mentioned above. How can I make them happy in life? Why is it that they don't talk to me with respect? I'm 44 years old now and they're66 years old. Please help me understand their way of thinking, sothat I can overcome the "torture" that I have to endure every vacation. My mother has had cancer in the past, but has recovered. Sometimes, they're happy, but then it's like a mood swing, they pickon me. I work so hard to honour them in my life. Why can't get treatme with respect? Thanks,Concerned

RE: I need some family advice

NJoy — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 17:13:47 GMT

Since you are 44, you do not have to go home for your vacation. Go somewhere else. Somewhere peaceful. You do not have to continue to be around your parents if they make you miserable. At ages 66 and 44 you all should be the best of friends. It sounds to me as if they have not allowed you to be a grown-up and you have refused to act like an adult. Start acting and behaving as an adult friend instead of their perpetual child and things may change for the better.

RE: I need some family advice

cat girl — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 18:50:33 GMT

Hello caring, I am wondering... when you go home for vacations, do you stay with your parents? Why do they provide you with a place to live and money if you are 44 years old? Perhaps if you refused their money and stayed in a hotel you would have more control over weather or not to accept this treatment from them. You would then have the choice to go back to your hotel if they begin to "pick on you". It is possible they do this because they are unhappy themselves and have no place else to vent it. By refusing their money and staying on your own, you have the option to see them when you want to and to walk away when you don't. Plus you will be showing them through your actions that you are a grown man able and willing to take care of yourself. That may be enough to at least make them criticize you less, and give you someplace else to go when they do. Once they realize that you are taking care of yourself, and that you are simply not willing to expose yourself to them when they are critical, they may not do it so much. Then again, it could just be the way they are. Some people just criticize everyone all the time because they are unhappy, and they feel better about themselves when they can find fault with others. If that is the case, you cannot change them, but you still have the option to leave when they have that "mood swing". I wish you the best of luck!

RE: I need some family advice

Caring — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 00:46:42 GMT

Hi, I want to thank you all for the replies. You have inspired me. I got good ideas for my next vacation. Take care, Caring