Is it okay for my husband to be talking to his ex wife almost daily?

fedup — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 20:24:35 GMT

My husbands ex wife left him after only two years of marriage, they have been divorced 5 years, he stepped in and became a father to her children that they never had. They are 12, 14 & 17 they think of him as dad. He loves them very much. She calls him all the time, but not about the children, she calls mostly about her relationship, job, money problems, or for help with something, etc. She says he is her best friend. She is living with a man and suppose to marry him in about a year they fight constantly. She has her kids living in a unhealthy enviroment. See calls him when he is at work then he comes home upset over what ever she told him and I get upset seeing him being used and hurt by her. He is afraid she will keep him from the kids if he says anything she doesn't want to hear. My problem is they belong to the same club and we see her there at dinners etc and she always calls and remarks on my behavior, she also has acted very indecent several times when she has been drinking. I know I can trust my husband but I feel she is trying to cause trouble, why else would she hang on to him and interfer in his life. He says she is to dumb to know she is causing trouble, I don't believe this. I think it is direspectful to my husband and myself. I was married 23 years to my ex I don't call him unless I really need to. We went the whole first year of our marriage without a major fight until recently and it was over her. I have no problem with the kids in our life, I love children have some of mine own all grown now. My problem is that 3rd voice in our marriage that I feel doesn't belong there. She doesn't want him but she doesn't want anyone else to have him, he is not at her beck and call anymore. One more thing I am very much a family person and we have large holidays etc. Every holiday her family invites him to there gatherings and has the kids calling crying if he doesn't come. I feel his place is with me and my family now, his kids are always welcome, but he never invites them to our gatherings. He has went to barbeques, birhtdays etc not just for the kids for his ex mother in law, etc. I tried to go twice they made me very uncomfortable, then she calls after wards and talks down about me.

RE: Is it okay for my husband to be talking to his ex wife almost daily?

sue — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 20:50:18 GMT

I beleive that she should not be calling him all the time. she has no business calling him. I would not allow this H e should let her know that her calling is not fair to you. She needs to call her own family if she needs someone to talk to.

RE: Is it okay for my husband to be talking to his ex wife almost daily?

TAC72762 — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 20:51:19 GMT

NOT OK! She is using him and he's letting her.so....there is more to it .I understand when kids are involved it gets complicated but THEY are in turn using the kids as pawns.Kids are not stupid they must know he dosent live with them and he has a new life.THEY need to move on too the kids will be fine. it is so manipulative of her , selfish and disrespectful to you.tell your hubby to send a b-day cards and to stop his affair

RE: Is it okay for my husband to be talking to his ex wife almost daily?

LadySuGa — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 01:29:11 GMT

Have you and your husband considered seeking custody of the children?.. maybe you and your husband should have a talk about taking the children .. I don't know who has custody or if it is joint custody ... but if it is joint I guess they are fine..

I myself understand what you are feeling .. that makes no sense and it seems since her relationship is rocky she is trying to weasel her way back into his life.. women can be malicious and I am sorry she is not being honest but rather deceptive.. she is obviously jealous of you and is trying to make you turn into the woman she is which will turn you against your husband.. You come first before she does and she should not be having control on when she is calling him.. what he should do is put a stop to her conversation when it begins to steer to her own personal problems .. the only concerns should be the children and not what is going on with her.. he should not be telling her what she wants to hear because that is giving her the wrong messages and she feels she may have a chance with him... you both as a married couple should start putting your foot down.. record calls because when that foot comes down she is going to act up and at least you have proof.. please do not let this scorned woman disrupt your unity.. marriages can work even if your partner has children with someone else.. he has to be the bigger man and cut her off from personal convos and it should be more directed at the well being of his children.. stop it now before it is too late.. and if he winds up going that route.. at least you know you are a better woman.. only dogs turn around and suck on their own vomit.. be blessed and stay strong!

RE: Is it okay for my husband to be talking to his ex wife almost daily?

OronD — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 08:07:04 GMT

Hi, ------ You entered a very complicated situation. The whole situation is not healthy (not to say weired) and will prevent the two of you to build a normal family. It is NOT OK, and you should NOT accept it ! (I think it is NOT normal). I don't believe you'll be able to solve it on your own and an ultimatum is not a good idea so the only thing I would recommend is get a proffesional counseling (both of you) in a true attempt to find a satisfying solution (satisfying to all, including the children, and above all will enable you to create a normal family). ------ Best regards,

RE: Is it okay for my husband to be talking to his ex wife almost daily?

DB Lady — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 13:10:12 GMT

I believe that you both should attend marriage counseling.

RE: Is it okay for my husband to be talking to his ex wife almost daily?

elizabeth — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 04:21:55 GMT

I dont think she should be calling him like that. Ever once in a while is ok or if the kids are hurt or something. But asking for advice bout her problems I think his kinds crazy my self cause he poly has his own problems to deal with and dont need her adding to it. Also if she is bout to get married again shouldnt that be her i best friend? To me that is who she should be talkin to bout this stuff not your husband. I would tell my husband how I feel than would tell her and let it be known you are not mad that they talk you are upset that she thinks she needs to talk to him every day and he dont.

RE: Is it okay for my husband to be talking to his ex wife almost daily?

fedup — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 04:59:49 GMT

Thank you for your input I was beginning to think I was being insecure and jealous. I don't understand why she doesn't talk to her family or her finance. I think she just is used to having my husband at her beck and call. He is a sweet and gentle man and has a big heart so even after they were divorced he was always helping her with everything. Now he only helps if its something for the kids and its important. I think she was used to using him and thats why she is trying to make me look bad, I think she thinks I am the reason he doesn't just hand her money to fix her car or buy a new fridge etc as he has always done.

RE: Is it okay for my husband to be talking to his ex wife almost daily?

fedup — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 05:48:19 GMT

The children are hers so custody is out of the question. But he is the only Dad they have ever known. Her relationship is rocky as with every one she has ever had. She lives a very disfunctional lifestyle. I thank you for you answer, I got myself in trouble a couple of weekends ago because I blew up, things just keep building and she called him to complain about my behavior at a mutual function we attended saying "what was wrong with me I always act like I am better than everyone else" meaning her family. I had tried so hard to be nice and that was just like a slap in the face. I lost it. I was so angry at myself for letting her get to me. My husband said look at the sorce, to me she has no right to call him and talk about me in a negative way. he didn't think it was a big deal, he always tells me about there conversations, so when I blew up he was shocked. He isn't understanding that a third voice in his ear all the time, is not healthy. Any suggestions on how I make him understand?

RE: Is it okay for my husband to be talking to his ex wife almost daily?

fedup — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 05:52:56 GMT

You hit the nail on the head. Disrespectful, manipulative and selfish these are exactly what I told my husband. I told him if she really cared about him she would have enough respect to stay out of his marriage and move on. She says he's her best friend well she's not his or she would want him to be happy don't you think?

RE: Is it okay for my husband to be talking to his ex wife almost daily?

TAC72762 — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 12:27:09 GMT

Turn the tables on him,ask how he would feel if it were your ex and he(your ex) was using his kids to get to you .Men do not think like us ..for them any thinking is too much and we woman tend to over think so we have to simplify and make it about them so they can understand

RE: Is it okay for my husband to be talking to his ex wife almost daily?

DB Lady — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 12:40:32 GMT

Fedup, If I was in your shoes, I'd ask my husband to move out of state so he won't see her. And also when you move, be sure to ask your husband to stop calling her. See what he says. If you are more important to him than anything else, he would not do things that make you feel uncomfortable.

RE: Is it okay for my husband to be talking to his ex wife almost daily?

LadySuGa — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 16:56:26 GMT

You are his wife.. he is suppose to understand you.. or at least listen to what you have to say about the matter.. some men tend to not really look at the problems of such situations and want to be an advocate.. but he has to see that she is not a good person and has other things planned.. he is suppose to listen to you first and as his wife you also have to understand his relationship with his children and her.. he will always be tied to her because of the children.. sit down with him on a good day and discuss the issues.. let him know how you feel and also let him know that there should be no private calls etc.. ( no reasons for private calls in the first place).. communication is the key.. and if that does not help maybe someone you know can bring it up to him.. sort of advocate the situation who views it on both ends of the spectrum.. many wishes to you.. one thing for sure don't let this situation change you.. brush it off.. because he comes home to you at night..