I go on but I don't know why.

stressed — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 07:04:36 GMT

Every day the mental pain gets worse.

I hurt physically too.

There are no jobs no matter how hard I try to find work.

My family goes without because I can't support them.

I get a VA pension and social security but money is very tight.

I stress out badly despite medication.

I keep thinking that death will bring me comfort.

I look back on a childhood from hell under the worst man hater in los angeles.

The only reason I don't end it all is that hell would be worse.

How much worse I can't know.

Has anyone here been in this wretched state?

RE: I go on but I don't know why.

DB Lady — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 10:48:39 GMT

Hi Stressed, I feel for you and for a lot of people who lost their jobs and could not get jobs at present. Please don't despair. Hopefully someday, life will be better again for everybody. I look at this setback as a temporary one. It's like going through a storm but the storm will come to pass. it's just like going through the 4 seasons. Winter, spring, summer and fall. It's not winter all the time. We hope that after winter is over, we will have spring and summer. What I can say is that I pray for all the people to have a better life again and I pray for the people who run this country to be enlightened to do the right thing for and for them not to be wasting the money of the taxpayers.

RE: I go on but I don't know why.

bonestructure — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 18:15:40 GMT

Been there, done that. Every day. You go on because there's no other choice. Death brings no comfort. It just brings misery to those around you. Get treatment for depression. Find a doctor that will treat your pain. Believe me, I know. Long term continuing pain cam depress the hell out of you. And yes, I had a miserable abusive childhood as well, much of which I thankfully can't remember. I was also an abused adult. I'm a professional writer and artist. Those things are my passions and they get me up in the morning. Find a passion of your own. It's not something to live for, but it can serve to push away the depression and focus your thoughts on something besides misery. I also love movies. Those don't keep me alive either, but they give me enjoyment and again, let me focus my mind on something besides my own pain. I also do what I can to help others. Makes me feel better.

RE: I go on but I don't know why.

m2m — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 16:39:09 GMT

YES to Stressed
millions of people have experienced your mental state and come out of it.
Regret over the pain you experienced by a parent whom should have raised you with love
Deep sadness over loss of income from a career
Frustration over not being able to find a job
Disappointment over not being a better financial provider for your family
Taking medication whose chemicals have side effects on your emotional moods
Taking medication that help create more negative thoughts in your mind
Voices in your head telling you to commit suicide
?
You are definitely not alone in experiencing these feelings and thoughts. Wealthy people experience the same emotions and thoughts, so its not about money. The good news is you can come out of this mental state by changing how you look at your situation.
?
I will describe a few simple techniques of many for you to use and begin coming out of this deep state of depression.
First understand that depression is just one of the many emotions inside you. You have the ability to fight this emotion within your own mind by choosing not to listen to it. You have the ability not to listen to any of negative emotions or voices we hear in our minds. You can say NO, I AM NOT GOING TO LISTEN TO YOU, when these thoughts come into your mind.
If you focus on everything negative in past, present and future life; you mental state will always be negative.
If you focus on everything positive in your life and how areas of your life will become positive. If not now but in the future, then this will begin to happen it ways you don’t expect.
You have lived 58 years, so there is abundance of good times, good places, good things and good people that have brought you happy moments. Start reflecting on these times to stop mediating on all the negative presently. You have to train you mind like a muscle in your body to get back to happy thinking again.
Next, start thinking with 100% certainty, 100% faith, 100% definite and 0% doubt that some how and some way your life will get better. Step by Step begin to look for positive things around you that make your life better even if it is just a smile or wave from another person.
Practice these 2 things and never quit. Then in time more advice will come to take you to another level.
Be Blessed and evolve in Christ

RE: I go on but I don't know why.

Chelsea — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 03:35:06 GMT

Life is hard at times. The bad is what brings the good. Look for that good and happiness through everything you do and you will receive peace. God knows your needs; reach to him to comfort you.

RE: I go on but I don't know why.

funguy — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 21:23:25 GMT

My friend you surely are carrying a heavy load. It is really tough when you can't meet all the needs of your family. That really cuts deep. I am so sorry life has put you in this situation; it certainly is not your fault and even though you have no fault it still hurts you. Physical pain is also hard to bear; it seems like there is no end to it day after day, but you get out of bed and face it one more time. You are a very brave man and you go on; I know you love your family. That is one reason you don't end it all...it isn't just the hell you dread. When a person commits suicide it puts the family left behind through double H E L L . Believe me there is nothing more terrible one can do to one's family that hurts them more than to kills ones self. As hard as life is life is easier with you than having you take your life. I am so sorry for your suffering and pain; please don't ever consider hurting your family by taking your life.

Some of this medicine we get doesn't get to all the pain we bear; we still hurt. Have you tried to ask God for help? Some people find some relief in their faith even if God doesn't take it all away, God and the medicine together might be a good combination. Can you get out any?
Sitting at home all the time gets people down and they feel more depressed. That makes you feel worse and even makes the pain worse. Believe it or not. If you can get out among people or find someone who needs a friend and offer to help--it may be you can't do much but people in a nursing home are longing for a friend to talk to. You may even know a friend in a nursing home that you could visit. Boy would you make his day and you would feel so much better.

Do you ever get angry? If you do, let it out. It will lhelp you.Don't take it out on your family, but go outside and yell or kick the can or whatever helps you feel better. Anger expressed with relieve some of your depression. Otherwise don't forget to be thankful for the good things around you. We often get so depressed we forget that much of life is beautiful. How about that family of yours? A bright sunny day helps me a lot. I get mad a depression and tell it to get out I don't need it and I'm going to be happy today!

There are many organizations that help people in need. Don't be ashamed to ask for help. Do you know who and where they are? Ask around. Ask a pastor or priest. Look in the phone book for Area V office if you are over 50. There are food pantries in most cities or towns. Are you trying to go it alone? No need, my friend.

Help is available. No shame involved. Many are getting help that never have before.

Best to you and ours. In Christian LOVE.

RE: I go on but I don't know why.

NJoy — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 19:58:36 GMT

The advice you've gotten so far is excellent.

One thing I know for certain: Just as your body needs nourishing food in order to feel good and perform well, SO DOES Your mind and SPIRIT.

Choose to smile. Choose to count your blessings. Choose to think on the more positive things in your life.

If you let yourself dwell in the dark, things will only get darker and darker.

Choose to see the light. Follow all the light-hearted thoughts and refuse to let the death enticing thoughts prevail.

Good Luck and May God See You Through This rough time. In Christ's name I pray. NJOY

RE: I go on but I don't know why.

NJoy — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 22:13:02 GMT

Dear Stressed, I just read your comments you left for DBLady and funguy and it seems to me as if you are really depressed if you cannot find goodness in the fact that you love your wife and she loves you also. That is a beautiful reason to live.

You mentioned children. Do you hear from your children often? Do they know how you feel?

Try to find a person to talk with like a pastor or rabbi. Are you or your wife physically impaired as well as being depressed?

I hope you don't mind, but I am going to send your question to a couple of my Yedda friends to see if they can say something to help you in your thinking. You have goodness in your life, but right now, you cannot see it. I want to help you as much as I can. Please be patient and let me try, okay?

RE: I go on but I don't know why.

Elena — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 22:34:24 GMT

Dear Stressed,

What if the answer was that this is the turning point in your life.

What if the answer is that this is the test you have to pass.

What if the answer is that to pass this test, you must learn a different way of thinking about yourself and what goes on around you?

What if, by changing the way you think about things, by choosing, as NJoy said, to think only positive thoughts, despite what seems so negative right now, you could turn your life around?

What if there is something very important you have to accomplish in this world, but, you have to transform your inner being in order to do it??

Have I been where you are? Yes, yes, yes! Did I think as you are now? Yes, yes, yes! Did I pull myself out of it? Yes.

Believe. Somehow, believe that there is goodness, and love, and magic in the world. What we think and how we think makes what we feel and what is in and around us. This is absolute fact. Change your thoughts and beliefs and you change your world.

The first place to start is to accept where you are right now. Stop fighting what has happened. This shift has the ability to give you peace almost immediately.

If you are interested in some books that would help with your situation, I can recommend them.

In the meantime, if you are on meds, go back to your Doc and tell them they are not working. Go to the VA and tell them you need a psychotherapist.

You must make climbing out of the abyss your absolute focus and priority now.

You must make finding joy again, your goal.

Anything I can do to help, please ask.

Elena

RE: I go on but I don't know why.

jkgrandma — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 16:30:22 GMT

Stressed, I am one of the friends to whom NJoy sent your question.

You have gotten so much good advice that there is little I can add. So I will tell you what you want to hear.

Yes, when you are in the circumstances in which you currently find yourself, life stinks.

You have every right to feel as you do. In fact, you have every right to lie right down and have yourself a gigantic pity party from which you'll never recover.

What I want to know, Stressed, is will that make you feel better in the long run? Stressed, would you rather be right? Or be happy?

At the moment, you are right. But you're not happy, are you?

The fact that you are here, on Yedda, looking for a light at the end of the tunnel, tells us that you would rather be happy.

So, take the hands which have been held out to you and follow the steps which have been suggested. You can do it and we will be with you every step of the way, if you'd like us to be.

Giving up is not the answer. But then, you already knew that or you wouldn't be here asking for some help.

I will close by sharing something with you that my aunt (in her 80's) likes to say. It's silly, but she finds that it gets her through the hard times (that includes clinical depression, by the way):

"Inch by inch, it's a cinch. Yard by yard, it's hard."

Stressed, please take these problems inch by inch. One inch at a time - it will get better.

Go in light,

jkgrandma

RE: I go on but I don't know why.

NJoy — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 16:46:37 GMT

Good Morning Friends.

JKGrandma and Elena, your advice to Stressed is just as great as I had hoped.

You see Stressed, there are intelligent and kind friends here on Yedda who care about you. You said your wife loves you and you love your wife. There are great reasons right there to see some brightness in your day and that saying that JK shared about "inch by inch" being a cinch, is definately true. Sometimes we try to tackle too much at once. Let's just go one day, one hour, one moment at a time here. Do one positive thing, like write back to Yedda, for yourself today. Share your down feelings with your wife. She is feeling that something is not right with you at this moment. Talk to her. Let us know how things are going. Take some of these many suggestions and act upon them. The very act of doing something is healthy. Okay? Please at least try. ok?

RE: I go on but I don't know why.

Skitch — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 20:17:13 GMT

Stressed ~

Not to sound too hokey, but love creates love. Positive energy creates positive energy, and the opposite is true as well. The key to making positive energy possible is to keep busy. Don't sit all day examining how bad your life is (at this moment in time). You already know how bad it is. Looking at the negative won't mysteriously turn it into something positive. Keep moving! Get up each day, tell your wife that you love her. Go for long walks (any physical activity is better than being stationary). Smile at the people you see and they will smile back. The more you move, the more your life moves. You may find solutions to your problems out and about in the world of positive thought.

I know how hard it is. I have been there ~ spent a very long time there. But, I found Yedda and the lovely people here and just taking that step opened my life to better things. Talk to us, invite us into your world and we will do the same for you. Isolation can be very damaging, so try to put yourself out there into the world every day.

We all care about you, Stressed and I am willing to bet there are many others that care about you. Use this site ~ one of us is always here, ready to listen, ready to love, ready to share.

RE: I go on but I don't know why.

Firstshirt — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 16:58:05 GMT

Stressed--

Been there, done that. Got the scars to prove it.

VA disability, PTSD, various physical problems. Widowed.

I liken my life now to my military duty. There were plenty of times I wanted to throw in the towel. That isn't an option. I always chose to go on. Eventually, I was relieved, replacements came in to assume my duties and I got a little R&R.

Same thing now. What we are doing is essential, even if we can't see it. It is hard to see "The big picture" when all you've got is a worm's eye view.

But you and I go on because we have the faith that a relief column is coming and we will eventually be rotated "stateside." Going back to the military analogy, even if we die overseas and only our bodies are sent stateside, we die while choosing life and choosing to live life to the best of our ability.

See if you can help someone else in a similar situation. Giving aid to soemone else suffering does wonders for the soul. Check out the local VA and see if they have volunteer positions or support groups. You will both give and get answers.