Borderline personality disorder. I was reading up ...

badger101 — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 23:01:58 GMT

Borderline personality disorder. I was reading up on this and all the symptons seem to be sort a more severe version of some I have. Is there something like borderline personality disorder that I could have? I don't think I have this because on the whole I don't want to commit suicide and when I suffered depression as a kid (13-15) I self-harmed but I don't have feelings of wanting to do that. I guess trying to work it out in my head some days I feel absolutley normal (as normal as I get!) I don't have real mood swings and I don't show anything to anybody I don't want anyone to think I'm weak. I get scared of what people think sometimes and I know i'm a bit weird because there is certain people I really like and I guess in one way I want to be like them and I dream of being with them not necessarily as in a couple situitation but a good friend you know I dream of them saving me and I want their attention. It sounds weird and I guess it scares me that I feel like that about some people. I guess I just envy them but not in a milicious way, I guess maybe it's just that I've never had any real close friends and whilst I get on with people like a house on fire I don't have a 'best buddy' who I do everything with. I have a boyfriend of 2 years and I love him very much and he loves me. I guess like everyone I'm scared of losing him. I know I have a confidence problem and I really messed up on holiday. I got frustrated because everyone around me could step across these stones and I struggeled and when we tried to go back I couldn't and I was angry because everyone else could I was stupid and couldn't. I nearly lost my boyfriend over that. He doesn't like it when I can't do something. He got really upset. I can't explain why I get like that. I guess I could do it but not on my own. I don't like being weak and stupid. I know I sound like i;m puting myself down but I guess I think I have something wrong with my brain if that makes sense. I can't always carry out simple things like walking over stones. I know thats confidence issue but I always sense I have something more deeper wrong with me. I like chatting to those certain people dream of and it's nice when they pay attention to me but then I feel ashamed because I shouldn;t be I'm not worthy of their attention. I'm not part of their group and I think sometimes I put them before my boyfriend and I shouldn't. I think i;m mad writing this and I guess I sound it. I love my boyfriend and I feel bad sometimes because of what I feel and I know I shouldn't. I don;t deserve people to be nice to me not those people anyways I mean I know I sound like i''m puting myself down but I know I must be worth something because my boyfriend loves me. I guess deep down I like the attention but feel bad for wanting it. I guess I do feel lonley sometimes. I do better on my own but I am good around people. I am often told how good I am with people adults and kids alike. I don't know why I'm writing this to a complete stranger. I'm probably making something out of nothing. Maybe I'm just questioning life at the moment because I'm at that age. I'm not happy at work and maybe that's it. I don't know. I ramble on I know that! I guess i'm digging too deep into life. I know I'm not made but I also know that somewhere something is wrong with me. Sorry to post this but I don't really know why but I just think I need to. I need to post it somewhere.

RE: Borderline personality disorder. I was reading up ...

mom2344 — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 23:05:25 GMT

Please take care of yourself and find a good therapist.

RE: Borderline personality disorder. I was reading up ...

badger101 — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 23:40:53 GMT

Thanks for replying but I'm more interested in finding out whether I do have something like personality disorder. I know I have confidence issues and things. I don't think therapy is really my answer. I can write stuff but talking this aloud is not something I want to do. If there could be a diagnosis for what I feel some disorder or just maybe it's alot more simpler than that.

RE: Borderline personality disorder. I was reading up ...

bonestructure — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 21:40:56 GMT

You didn't mention your age, but honestly, if you're on the young side, I would say these confused feelings are quite normal. You may have some self esteem issues that need to be dealt with, but I don't believe there's anything wrong with you. And yes, I do have a degree in psychology. These feelings you're having are common to all teenagers for the most part, and it's also very common to worry about them. A therapist wouldn't be a bad idea, and I'll explain why. You said you used to self injure. You may not do that any longer, but there is usually some underlying problem, which you may not even be aware of or have a memory of, that causes this behavior. It might well do you an immense amount of good to discover what this underlying problem is, as it may well be a source of some of the problems you seem to feel you have at present.