Should i stop speaking to him and give up on this love game hes playing?

monique — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 21:30:37 GMT

i recently broke up with my boyfriend. Following this i asked if we could just take a break. (i defined this to him as me just moving back in with my parents, getting a car, a job, and finishing up school. Not to see others or anything) His first reaction was to yell and act very immature telling me that he would change his number if i ever called again and that within the next month or so he is leaving to mexico where his family (he says to take a break from his job and life in the city). As much as it upset me i stopped calling... god forbid he would change his number and i could never get in contact with him again. A couple of days passed and he started calling me... saying he missed me and needed and that he was going insane without me. Back and forth for the next few days he would call and say he missed me and yet say that this situation isnt good for him. That he doesnt want to start driving out here to see me at my parents house again like we did when we first met. That he needs me next to him. I dont understand what it is going through his head. i feel like he will use me to his advantage with the i loves yous until someone else comes along. Or that he does in fact want to be with me but only if im living with him. Like this is his way of threatening ill never see him again because he is going to mexico... he had the nerve to ask if i would come with him but i said no. Its just so back in forth at this point i have no clue what i should do. Hes being so selfish... i just dont know what to do. i need to take control of my life before being with him and get my priorities straight. He hates being alone but i need to help myself before helping him. should i just tell him we should indeed stop speaking if he doesnt want to work on things for a future together? It hurts me so bad to lose him but i know deep down this is an immature game he is trying to play to keep me upset so that he can feel happy and in control of the situation.

RE: Should i stop speaking to him and give up on this love game hes playing?

Fluff — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 00:23:37 GMT

Sounds like he's only thinking of himself. Without care for what you think is best for you. You don't need to be at his side all the time to be considered bf/gf. As badly as it may hurt, I think you should continue on the path you've chosen. Sounds like you're trying to better your life, and he doesn't like it. He sounds too obsessive AND possesive. Do what you need to do to better yourself. Don't let anyone hold you back. He should be supporting you - not giving you ultimatums. Trust me, I know it has to be breaking your heart.

RE: Should i stop speaking to him and give up on this love game hes playing?

AnnieSu — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 14:05:43 GMT

Hi. I agree with fluff in that he is really thinking about what is best for him. At the same time, I am a bit confused. Weren't you the one who wanted to take a break at the beginning? It seems that you upset him because he assume that the space you wanted to take was more than just space and as to be expected he got emotional and overreacted. Of course he loves you and wants to be with you. It is hard for a person to allow themselves to be vulnerable, especially when it means they have to fight for you. I think that you need to decide if you really care for him and want a future with him. If you do, then make an effort. It takes two for a healthy relationship to work. If you need space to figure things out then tell him that you need space but don't want to break up. Maybe dating like you did at the beginning and seeing each other less often is your best option. I don't think that when he threatened to go to Mexico and change his phone number that he was thinking rationally, especially considering that he called you again a few days later. Think about how you feel about him and then go from there! It is ok to be a bit selfish sometime when it comes to these things and decide what is best for you. Good luck!

RE: Should i stop speaking to him and give up on this love game hes playing?

Nine Inch Nails — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 08:02:48 GMT

I think the only reason he is acting this way is because he loves you. Think about it, the reason he was saying those things about changing his number and moving to mexico was because he was frustrated and thinking it was his fault that you broke up with him(might be the case idk) and is self destructing because he was idioticly trying to get you to have some sort of feeling to tell him not to do that and for you to say sorry or i love you. HE WANTS YOU TO TELL HIM NOT TO GO SO HE KNOWS HE'S IMPORTANT TO YOU AND THAT YOU WONT JUST LET HIM LEAVE..Obviously you didnt try to stop him.. Also notice how he called you back. Of course he loves you otherwise he wouldnt even bother trying. He stupididly asked you to go with him to mexico, come on give him a break hes getting desperate. I dont think hes going to use you I think that he is trying to do whatever he stupididly can do to get you back. His minds not clear because of this whole breakup thing thats the reason why hes acting immature..All guys are like that its not our faults..but at least we try. Anyways..Good luck however it turns out for you.

RE: Should i stop speaking to him and give up on this love game hes playing?

BabsNC — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 19:47:51 GMT

You sound very young and dependent upon him for everything! First, you say you have NO Car? You have NO JOB? Why? This is unbelievable! If you are over 18 years old, and not in college, you should have BOTH a car and a job. You should have your own money. Did you even graduate from high school? If not, WHY NOT? Do you want to be dependent upon another human being all your life for everything? Don't you want to be successful on your own without having to rely on someone else for food, clothing, transportation, housing, health care, etc.???

You need to grow up and get an education, a car and a job! Boyfriend comes second! If he here in the country illegally? Does he have a Police record? Does he have an education? Does he have a bad temper? Has he ever abused you physically or emotionally? Is he real "possessive" and treat you like "his property"? Depending upon the answers, this could end up in violence against you. Everyday we hear in the news about a tragic incidence, when a woman has wanted out of a relationship with a possessive man, and the man decided that if he couldn't have her, No One Could. So he killed her, maimed or disfigured her. I hear you saying, "Oh, this would never happen to me. He's not that kind of person. He loves me!"

That's what they said! Honey, you need to move back with your parents and go back to school AND get a job. When you have saved some money, you can buy a second-hand car to get around in. I know you care for him, but he should not be your PRIORITY IN LIFE RIGHT NOW, YOU SHOULD BE YOUR PRIORITY. Focus on making yourself a more intelligent, independent, self-supporting person with a future!

Your future should not involve living with a man at your age, being his cook and housekeeper, possibly getting pregnant by him, and having no means of support for yourself or transportation, other than what he provides. This is NO life!

Today is the first day of the rest of your Life! Get going and make every day count. Make something of yourself, be successful on your own, and don't expect a man to support you. Your life will be one of misery if you don't heed this advice.

Good luck, my dear girl.