I want to start a novel in the worst way! What is it?

DrStrangelove — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 08:06:24 GMT

The legendary Bulwer-Lytton competition (San Jose State University) is "one of those" writing competitions: the worst opening line to a novel that can be imagined. Opening lines are supposed to "grab" the reader, but Bulwer-Lytton openers could be described more as, wrestling them into submission:

"It was a terrible battle: Bambury Castle had been under siege for the last eighteen miserable days, and they were very rapidly running out of food, water, and Midol, but no one knew the name of the attacking General until Squire Ulrich returned, exhausted from running pell-mell across the debris-strewn battlefield, pockmarked with bomb craters and scorch from the mighty engines of destruction that the enemy had skillfully deployed and then, Ulrich forcefully made his dreaded but fateful, long-winded and cliche'-ridden pronouncement: "It is Sir Nymbas of Cumulus, the dark and stormy Knight!"

Now, if you could get away with a worse opening line than that (easier said than done) what would it be? Remember, now, points will be deducted for good writing! But that never stopped you before!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bulwer-Lytton_Fiction_Contest

RE: I want to start a novel in the worst way! What is it?

Percy Dovetonsils — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 03:42:58 GMT

All literary works must begin properly!!!!!!!! They must begin with praise for The Divine Obama!!!!!!!!!!

Repeat after me!

Obama is wonderful!

Obama is wonderful . . ..

RE: I want to start a novel in the worst way! What is it?

Andrea — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 04:14:01 GMT

I DO WONDER WHAT THE QUESTION IS, BUT.....OBVIOUSLY, YOU DO NOT WANT TO EMULATE A BEGINNING PARAGRAPH THAT WAS SUBMITTED TO A COMPETITION WHERE THE WINNER IS "THE WORST BEGINNING".

I WOULD LOOK AT BOOKS YOU HAVE ENJOYED READING, ESPECIALLY ONES THAT CAUGHT YOUR ATTENTION FROM THE BEGINNING. THERE ARE AS MANY "RIGHT" ANSWERS TO "HOW TO BEGIN?" AS THERE ARE LITERARY TYPES AND STYLES.

RE: I want to start a novel in the worst way! What is it?

NJoy — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 00:20:19 GMT

As night fell, I jumped up to find my fiance standing at the foot of the bed where I bumped my head on the rail. Rain was pounding the roof as pain began thumping my skull. All about me was dizzy and I wanted to vomit, but didn't want to mess up the bed. Charlie spoke. I could hear my heart droning in my ear. "What is wrong?" I said with amazement. His voice was far away in a tunnel under a bridge sort of sound. The room was so dark. The wind outside was so strong. I didn't think I could survive the night, but I did.

RE: I want to start a novel in the worst way! What is it?

American Patriot — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 10:29:29 GMT

DR S

Happy Thankgiving Enjoy the day and thank God for your blessings